Power to Create or Destroy

I was recently reminded of the power of our actions. My son's teacher, in an attempt to create a better classroom environment, and set off a chain of reactions she never intended. My son felt targeted. I was deeply concerned that he might be right. And reminded me of how even with the best of intentions, our words can have an unintended impact. It reminded me of why we need to be intentional and impeccable with our words.

Our Power Lost

Humans are the only creation with the power to express and communicate the opinions, ideas and concepts that flow from our thoughts. How you define yourself; how you define others creates your reality. Those definitions motivate our actual words and in turn reinforce our beliefs.

Growing up, I never saw myself as beautiful or graceful. My clumsiness knew no bounds. I can't begin to count the number of times I split my head open falling. I had curly red hair that was looked a mess to me when I looked in the mirror. Brown freckles were speckled across my nose and cheeks. A look most adults in my life found adorable. And one that made me the ridicule of my peers when I first went to school.

My mother tried so hard to comfort me. One night when I was in kindergarten I came to my mom, tears streaming down my freckled cheeks. The freckled cheeks that I had been teased mercilessly about that day on the play ground. As my mom wiped away my tears, I remember her telling, "Freckles are a sign of intelligence."

It seems so small, so long ago. As the little teary eyed girl believed those words, they robbed me of my power. From then on, those early words shaped how I see myself. I pursued knowledge and wisdom with my characteristic drive. My mind grew and I excelled at learning. I definitely see myself as a smart, creative person. Despite all my mom's effort, I still struggle to see my own attractiveness.

Reclaiming Our Power

The first step to reclaiming our lost power is awareness. As we become aware of the the limiting beliefs that shape our lives and hold us back, we start to peel back the layers of the onion. We start seeing how we use our words hurt us.

I recently had a friend text me that she had left the wrong key at home and would be about ten minutes late to meet me. My instinct was to respond, "No worries." or "No problem." But as I thought about it, I saw the implied judgement - the assumption that she needs my approval to take care of her own needs. It's a subtle judgement, and one I've never had an awareness of.

Change the Words

The next step in taking back our power is to start changing the words we use in our thoughts, in our writing, in our conversations.

My new response to my friend who was going to be late was a simple, "I'll see you when you get here." When I find myself struggling to pull on a pair of pants that I think should fit, but don't, I've started reminding myself that I am in the process of changing my eating habits - I'm healing. And healing takes time.

Responsibility without Blame or Guilt

Breaking old behavior patterns is a process. It doesn't happen overnight. And taking responsibility doesn't mean playing the blame game or making yourself feel guilty. Taking responsibility means acknowledging your mistakes, understanding how you got there and using that wisdom to make a course correction.

You're growing right now. As you grow in awareness and learn ways to create the incredible life you want, using your words in an empowering manner will become easier and more natural.