Power to Create or Destroy

I was recently reminded of the power of our actions. My son's teacher, in an attempt to create a better classroom environment, and set off a chain of reactions she never intended. My son felt targeted. I was deeply concerned that he might be right. And reminded me of how even with the best of intentions, our words can have an unintended impact. It reminded me of why we need to be intentional and impeccable with our words.

Our Power Lost

Humans are the only creation with the power to express and communicate the opinions, ideas and concepts that flow from our thoughts. How you define yourself; how you define others creates your reality. Those definitions motivate our actual words and in turn reinforce our beliefs.

Growing up, I never saw myself as beautiful or graceful. My clumsiness knew no bounds. I can't begin to count the number of times I split my head open falling. I had curly red hair that was looked a mess to me when I looked in the mirror. Brown freckles were speckled across my nose and cheeks. A look most adults in my life found adorable. And one that made me the ridicule of my peers when I first went to school.

My mother tried so hard to comfort me. One night when I was in kindergarten I came to my mom, tears streaming down my freckled cheeks. The freckled cheeks that I had been teased mercilessly about that day on the play ground. As my mom wiped away my tears, I remember her telling, "Freckles are a sign of intelligence."

It seems so small, so long ago. As the little teary eyed girl believed those words, they robbed me of my power. From then on, those early words shaped how I see myself. I pursued knowledge and wisdom with my characteristic drive. My mind grew and I excelled at learning. I definitely see myself as a smart, creative person. Despite all my mom's effort, I still struggle to see my own attractiveness.

Reclaiming Our Power

The first step to reclaiming our lost power is awareness. As we become aware of the the limiting beliefs that shape our lives and hold us back, we start to peel back the layers of the onion. We start seeing how we use our words hurt us.

I recently had a friend text me that she had left the wrong key at home and would be about ten minutes late to meet me. My instinct was to respond, "No worries." or "No problem." But as I thought about it, I saw the implied judgement - the assumption that she needs my approval to take care of her own needs. It's a subtle judgement, and one I've never had an awareness of.

Change the Words

The next step in taking back our power is to start changing the words we use in our thoughts, in our writing, in our conversations.

My new response to my friend who was going to be late was a simple, "I'll see you when you get here." When I find myself struggling to pull on a pair of pants that I think should fit, but don't, I've started reminding myself that I am in the process of changing my eating habits - I'm healing. And healing takes time.

Responsibility without Blame or Guilt

Breaking old behavior patterns is a process. It doesn't happen overnight. And taking responsibility doesn't mean playing the blame game or making yourself feel guilty. Taking responsibility means acknowledging your mistakes, understanding how you got there and using that wisdom to make a course correction.

You're growing right now. As you grow in awareness and learn ways to create the incredible life you want, using your words in an empowering manner will become easier and more natural.

I Am!

     My son frequently amazes me in how much self assuredness he displays. He is well aware of his strengths and easily acknowledges them without arrogance. Just ask him about his cooking, and he will, without any wavering tell you, "I am a good cook." 

     I am. Two of the most powerful words in the English language. Those words define us. I am beautiful. I am strong. I am intelligent. All words that say who we are.

     To often, we use those two words to tear ourselves down. The I'm fat's and the I'm so stupid's fall too easily from our lips. Or reverberate in our minds. And while we may not be at our ideal weight or body shape. And we may not always make the best decisions. Those statements are incomplete statements of who we are. We are more than the measurement of our waist, the number on a scale. We are greater than our last less than perfect decision. 

     Whether said out loud or whispered in the darkest corner of our mind, how we define ourselves sets the tone for what we believe is possible. So, how do we take charge of our self talk?

Affirmations

Affirmations are a powerful tool to help change our perception of ourself. They are positive statements stated in the present tense that describe who you are. They are short and pack a lot of punch and are repeated out loud and silently to yourself through out the day. While it may feel awkward to talk about ourselves like this, over time, we will feel less self conscious about it. And, just like all the negative self talk we repeat to ourselves throughout each day, our minds will start believing the new messages. How we carry ourselves and how we act will begin to change.

Here are some of the ones I am currently using to help me shift my mindset from that of employee to entrepreneur. "I am the author of my own success!" "I am a capable and profitable entrepreneur!" "I am a successful life coach!"

Look at Your Successes

Our past successes have a lot of wisdom to offer us. Unfortunately, we tend to not give them as much attention in our lives as we do our failures. Using tools such as Building Triumphs from Triumphs will help us celebrate and glean the wisdom we truly have within ourselves.

When we start to doubt ourselves, and the negative self talk starts to flow, being able to look back at those successes and understanding how we pulled it off, shifts our focus from what we don't want in our lives to what we want more of in our lives. It puts us in the right frame of mind to create the positive.

When You Mess Up

So what do we do when we mess up? We are human after all. Mistakes are bound to happen. In those moments when we are most likely to beat ourselves up, we have a chance to grow our roots down more deeply. 

Don Miguel Ruiz, in his book The Four Agreements: A Toltec Book of Wisdom, states that humans are the only animals who punish themselves for their errors more than once. So start by acknowledging the mistake for what it was - a mistake. Rather than continuing to focus on the should-have's and the could-have's, start looking for lessons learned and what was done well in the situation even though it wasn't the prefered choice. No situation is ever a complete waste of time. There are always treasures and nuggets of jewels tucked in as well.

So, who are you? I know the answer to that, you are an incredible individual with limitless potential! Use your power wisely!