Strength

This week as I prepared to speak at the Speak Out Sunday event at Ainsworth United Church of Christ, I realized how much strength the darkest experiences of my life have given me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying fate sent those experiences on purpose. I just believe that even the most undeserved, negative situations can give rise to something positive. 

Kahil Gibran said, "Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars." When we are in the middle of our struggles, we can't see how we are growing, learning and gaining strength. 

For me becoming strong wasn't about being stoic, further burying my heart, my emotions, my passions. It has been about learning to stand tall while feeling all of my emotions. It is risking my heart and  trusting myself.

Looking back gives me a chance to see that growth within myself. Gives me an opportunity reinforce my confidence and prepare for the adventure I choose next.

I Am!

     My son frequently amazes me in how much self assuredness he displays. He is well aware of his strengths and easily acknowledges them without arrogance. Just ask him about his cooking, and he will, without any wavering tell you, "I am a good cook." 

     I am. Two of the most powerful words in the English language. Those words define us. I am beautiful. I am strong. I am intelligent. All words that say who we are.

     To often, we use those two words to tear ourselves down. The I'm fat's and the I'm so stupid's fall too easily from our lips. Or reverberate in our minds. And while we may not be at our ideal weight or body shape. And we may not always make the best decisions. Those statements are incomplete statements of who we are. We are more than the measurement of our waist, the number on a scale. We are greater than our last less than perfect decision. 

     Whether said out loud or whispered in the darkest corner of our mind, how we define ourselves sets the tone for what we believe is possible. So, how do we take charge of our self talk?

Affirmations

Affirmations are a powerful tool to help change our perception of ourself. They are positive statements stated in the present tense that describe who you are. They are short and pack a lot of punch and are repeated out loud and silently to yourself through out the day. While it may feel awkward to talk about ourselves like this, over time, we will feel less self conscious about it. And, just like all the negative self talk we repeat to ourselves throughout each day, our minds will start believing the new messages. How we carry ourselves and how we act will begin to change.

Here are some of the ones I am currently using to help me shift my mindset from that of employee to entrepreneur. "I am the author of my own success!" "I am a capable and profitable entrepreneur!" "I am a successful life coach!"

Look at Your Successes

Our past successes have a lot of wisdom to offer us. Unfortunately, we tend to not give them as much attention in our lives as we do our failures. Using tools such as Building Triumphs from Triumphs will help us celebrate and glean the wisdom we truly have within ourselves.

When we start to doubt ourselves, and the negative self talk starts to flow, being able to look back at those successes and understanding how we pulled it off, shifts our focus from what we don't want in our lives to what we want more of in our lives. It puts us in the right frame of mind to create the positive.

When You Mess Up

So what do we do when we mess up? We are human after all. Mistakes are bound to happen. In those moments when we are most likely to beat ourselves up, we have a chance to grow our roots down more deeply. 

Don Miguel Ruiz, in his book The Four Agreements: A Toltec Book of Wisdom, states that humans are the only animals who punish themselves for their errors more than once. So start by acknowledging the mistake for what it was - a mistake. Rather than continuing to focus on the should-have's and the could-have's, start looking for lessons learned and what was done well in the situation even though it wasn't the prefered choice. No situation is ever a complete waste of time. There are always treasures and nuggets of jewels tucked in as well.

So, who are you? I know the answer to that, you are an incredible individual with limitless potential! Use your power wisely!

   

Beauty in the Chaos

I'm frequently surprised at the tenacity of nature. It will blossom and grow in the least likely of places.

This morning I spotted this little beauty this morning along my walk. Amid the dead weeds, barren soil, and trash of its surroundings, this lavender flower had broken through to shine. It didn't worry about finding the perfect place to bloom. Didn't care if it was wasting its beauty on an unworthy audience. It was going to shine and seek the sun.

Too often, when we find ourselves in situations like this little flower, we hold back our personal growth and limit the expression of our potential. We say to ourselves, “When everything is perfect, then I'll shine."  Or “I wouldn't want to throw ‘my pearls before swine.'" Or “When I get to the other side of this transition, then I'll focus on unlocking my potential."

Sometimes the best way to light an unfamiliar, imperfect path is for us to shine in spite of where we find ourselves. We have to let go of our expectations that we can only be at our best when we are in the ideal situation, the best organization, perfect family, etc. If we are always waiting for the perfect time and place to blossom, we may never get the chance.

If we are going to blossom in inauspicious circumstances, we need to shift our focus from our surroundings and instead focus our attention on the end result. My little flower gave all of its energy and attention to breaking through the hardened soil and growing toward the sun. It had to send its roots deep into the ground to find water and nutrients. And once through the ground it oriented itself so that it could receive the ideal amount of sunlight. We need to do the same. Identify what will support and nourish us as we grow. Figure out where we can find them. Start growing despite how hard and dry the ground may be so that we can gain energy and momentum.

As we start to grow and allow ourselves to flourish, we begin to transform the space around us. Our actions may inspire others to grow as well. Those who try to distract us with their negativity will eventually lose interest as they find their efforts to hold us back aren't working.

I'm sure that little flower would have preferred to grow in a beautiful, well groomed garden. But it didn't let the lack of one stop it from bringing its beauty to the world.