It wasn't too long ago that I stood on the brink of a major change in my life. It was part choice, part necessity and one hundred percent terrifying. I felt as if I was standing on the edge of cliff.
My marriage had been a roller-coaster ride. When things were good, they were all I'd dreamed. When they weren't, the emotional chaos, the fear was palpable. In between I spent months walking on eggshells.
As my son and I stood in our empty new apartment, we knew we were safe. But we stood there all alone. We knew no one in the neighborhood. I'd been isolated from developing friendships with coworkers outside of work hours. Our closest friends had been through my former husband's church. We had just gone against everything they believed in by leaving.
I couldn't imagine how our life, my life could find a new normal - a normal that was full, rewarding and emotionally satisfying. Would Thanksgiving and Christmas just be my son and I in our bare apartment. I didn't see a lot of hope standing in the barren living room.
Three and a half years latter, standing in the middle of that same living room is so very different from that first day. The room is warm, cozy and inviting. My pets cuddle up with me when I set on the couch watching television. I see a bright optimistic future.
The contrast made me wonder how I shifted from hopeless to optimistic. From barren existence to flourishing life. So I decided to spend some time digging through those days and reflecting to see what I could learn.
Focus on Gains
As the days turned into weeks, I sometimes question my choice. Perhaps he could change. Perhaps we could build a better life. If I had continued focusing on the what ifs, I probably would have given up and returned to the abusive relationship of my past. But the one emotion that surfaced as time passed was a growing sense of freedom.
I remember walking in the door of my apartment after a long day at work. That feeling of independence. For someone like me, it was such a huge win. That gain became my focus. I couldn't give up. I had to see it through.
Reach Out to Others
I'll admit this one was difficult for me. I can be a bit of an introvert. Some of my efforts to reach out to others was due to my son's gregariousness. As he made friends with other children in the apartment complex, I made friends with contacts. I also used tools like
Meetup,com to find groups with similar interests as I have.
Now my son and I have a large network of friends. Some are closer than others. Some more like family than just friends. My worry of holidays spent alone were in vain. Reaching out to others created that feeling of family, belonging that I needed. Things were beginning to look up for us.
Plan for a Better Future
Gradually my son and I began to plan for a better future. Yes, we started small. A workable budget. A weekend get-away to the beach.
Eventually I started dreaming of what I wanted for my long-term future. I took steps to make it a reality. I took classes. I started researching starting a business. I created a plan. I started working it. Things started falling into place. The future was mine.
Ralph W. Sockman once said, "Nothing is so strong as gentleness. Nothing is so strong as real gentleness." I believe that when strength and gentleness are blended, hope springs up in the midst.
