Jobs as Relationships: Healing in New Employment

This is just a short reflection, following up on my two recent posts about returning to a ‘day job’ and what I’ve learned from the experience. The other posts have focused on how I’ve shifted my mindset to a positive one, and what that has meant both for my energy and for my business as I continue to pursue my dreams.

This post is a little different. It’s about the healing I’ve experienced by finding a positive job environment.

A toxic work situation can be truly devastating. You can lose your energy to negativity, as well as sacrificing your time and ability.

I wrote last about the importance on focusing on positivity. But a key detail is that if you feel negative in a situation, you need to figure out whether this negativity is internal or external. When I went back to work, the bad energy was within me, and was a reaction to feeling like I wasn’t in control of my situation, and holding onto the idea that the situation was a bad one. This was in spite of the overwhelming positivity surrounding me, and the opportunities my new work had already started to bring me.

This is very different from previous work experiences, where the negativity surrounded me and my best efforts couldn’t compete with the external damage of my situation.

If you are in a negative work situation, you have to find a way to safely leave. It’s like a damaging relationship. You can feel the effects of emotional abuse in your work setting that damage all aspects of your life and dreams.

Like the feeling of leaving a negative relationship, when I walked away from my previous employment, I spent a long while feeling the backlash of ‘never again’ and believing any day job would have the same power to harm me.

My new job has been incredibly healing. The culture of my coworkers is supportive and affirming. The employee culture prioritizes our needs, from the simple (adequate breaks) to the profound—the office is going through a domestic violence prevention training to help all members of the team recognize and prevent abuse. I NEVER would have imagined this was possible! I feel cared for, known, and valued. My work is building me up, instead of tearing me down.

If you feel unsatisfied with your current path, take a bit of time and reflect on where this dissatisfaction is coming from. Are you in a situation that is damaging you? Or is there something you can shift within yourself, consciously moving from the negative to the positive, that can change the way you relate to your surroundings to find the positive?

I would love to hear your experiences with both the positives and negatives of employment. What’s your journey? Reach out—let’s share what we’ve learned. 

Finding the Positive

As I wrote in my last blog post, Changes Personal Transformation, I recently underwent a massive change in my path: I have returned to full-time work at a ‘day job’ and experienced all the mental turbulence of choosing that lifestyle after these past months of thinking my path was fundamentally meant to be about creating a business around life coaching.

I almost destructed this opportunity because I was stuck in a negative mentality, chasing my tail and feeling like I was sliding backward instead of pursuing my dream.

Two key ideas have taken shape based on this experience:

• Focus on the positive
• Recognize the difference between the path and the goal

The Positive

First: the positive. I was so stuck in a mentality that the job offer meant betraying my dreams that I almost walked away from the job. I felt like I either had to quit the day job or I had to quit my coaching business and give up on my dreams.

That trapped, either/or mentality, stopped me from seeing the positive in my situation.

The day job provided a sense of security that shored up the rest of my time and mental energy. I had been worrying about rent, bills, and the fundamental truth that you can’t reasonably have a kid without health insurance.

The job lifted those worries from my mind. I knew the basics were taken care of. I was freed to be creative and compassionate because I wasn’t trapped in anxiety and insecurity.

The day job also provided a new and positive community. This was difficult for me to see for a little while, when I was trapped in a mentality that the job meant a betrayal of my own values. But when I really looked around at my situation, I began to see positive coworkers, compassionate management, and a real sense of community. The job was a good place to be.

Recognizing the Difference Between the Path and the Goal

Knowing your dream is essential to effectively pursuing it. I knew my dream was to help people reach their full potential. I knew that with 100% conviction. That is my goal.

But that doesn’t have to be every aspect of my daily path.

The job has clarified my purpose. It’s been a catalyst to boil down what I want into short-term steps. This process hasn’t been about paring down or weakening my dreams—it’s been about finding the perfect fit. By focusing and reframing the choices in my immediate path, I’ve discovered what I actually wanted.

This has moved me away from pursuing a stereotypical coaching business model to examining my skills and desires to create the dream I actually want.

How I got there

Interestingly, I couldn’t pull myself into positive thinking on my own. I knew I needed to get there—I’ve advised so many people to do this, after all! But somehow I couldn’t see what was good about my situation.

It took a combination of personal friends and the treasured advice of a life/business coach of my own to see the value of the path I’d found.

The biggest message I received, once they helped me get there, is that you can’t see opportunity if you’re focused on negatives.

Finding the positive has meant that this transformation has been an enormous positive for both my business and my immediate path. I know I’m right where I need to be. And thank goodness for that.