A Journey through the Mountains

Earlier this week, a friend and I took our sons to the coast for a last hurrah before summer ended and school began. We headed out from Portland with an active six year-old and a bored twelve year-old.

The ninety minute drive was a long and tedious ride for the six year-old in the back seat of my car. The road twisted and turned as it wound through the Coastal Mountain Range of the Pacific Northwest.

Before we reached the beach, we stopped to visit the Tillamook Cheese Factory. Up on the observation deck we watched cheese being sliced and packaged. Afterwards we enjoyed some of their extra creamy ice cream. Five different flavors.

As we left and were heading out to play in the sand, the youngest exclaimed with heart felt consternation, “I sure hope we don't have to go through any mountains to get to the beach!"

The sentiment of my young friend rang true for me. When I had reached the stage in my marriage where I was feeling desperate to escape from the emotional roller coaster of abuse, desperate to feel safe, I was at a point where I just didn't want to deal with it anymore. I didn't want to fight any longer. I remember wishing someone or something would come waltzing into my life and rescue me. I longed to be free!

Like my young friend, I wanted, wanted so much, to get to that final destination. However I definitely did not want to go through “anymore mountains." 

The mountains where fraught with fear and uncertainty. I'd have to admit my marriage was a failure. Acknowledge that I was a victim of domestic violence. Face being a single mother and figure out my finances so I could support my son and I.

I absolutely did not want to go through the mountains! I didn't want to, but I had to. I had to make that hard choice, travel that difficult road regardless of how I felt.

Whether figurative or literal a journey through the mountains can't be done without some planning and preparation.

Reach Out for Support
As I started to prepare to take my son and leave my husband, I started by reaching out to my friends and family. Despite the shame I felt, I spoke out and shared the truth about my marriage. I reached out to community resources that support women in crisis.

Once in my new community, I continued reaching out and building that network of support. It's a practice I continue to this day.

Grab the Map and Start Planning
Getting through the mountains doesn't happen by accident. And usually there isn't a night in shining armor that sweeps in and rescues us. More often we have to grab the map and start planning our route.

For me this meant figuring out what resources I had that would allow me to finance my move. It called for me to to pull those resources together. I had to research school logistics for my son; and what neighborhood we would call home. I mapped out a budget to manage my finances.

I can't say what planning you may need to do. You may want to consider these questions:
What resources do you have that could help you along the way?
What resources might you need?
What information might you need?
What steps need to be taken to reach your destination?

Feel Your Emotions but Don't Let Them Hold You Back
As you start your journey through the mountains, your emotions will run the gambit. It's important to acknowledge the feelings. Sit with them and feel them. Your emotions may give you clues to where you may need to adjust your plan,  just don't allow them to hold you back.

On the first day in our new home, the fear was palpable. As I moved through the process, there were moments of doubt and guilt. I felt each emotion, looked to see if I need to adjust course or if I should stay the course.

Luckily for my little friend, the final road to the beach didn't involve mountains. But should your path require the assent, embrace the journey.

If you are imminent danger, please reach out immediately to crisis resources in your community.

#Change; #Plan; #Prepare; #Endurance