Prepare Ahead of Time

The leaves are bursting with the colors of fall. Brilliant reds, burgundies, golds and oranges exploding on the hills around my home. There is a crispness to the air, even on the warm days of the season. Grey and drizzling overcast skies hide the summer sunshine and heat. And the darkness clings to the earth, staying later each morning and creeping earlier each evening.

Last weekend seeing the light shine from inside my apartment shine on the outside around the edges of my front door, I had a stark reminder of the changing seasons and the prep work I needed to finish before we move too far into fall. It takes so much more energy to keep the house warm when the temperatures drop and the off-again-on-again drizzle turns into a continuous downpour. No sense in using more than I have to.

So I made a quick trip to the local hardware store to buy supplies. I picked up weatherizing strip to seal up the front door. I bought plastic to cover our windows and the large sliding glass door in the kitchen. Once home I locked my two cats and my dog in a bedroom and put up the weatherizing strip. Right now, it is still too warm to seal up the windows, but as the weather turns more consistently cold, I will continue preparing my home for the inevitable transition from fall to winter.

Just like I know this winter is ultimately coming, I know other changes will weave their way into my life. I may not know exactly when. I may have no clue what the specifics of the change will be. But I know that as I move through the days, weeks and months of my life somewhere in there I will go through at least one change.

Working through transition requires a good deal of energy as well. It is harder to find a place of calm. More challenging to focus on what needs to be done next. It's a process that is exponentially more difficult when we don't prepare for it.

I know, I know, you're thinking, "How can I prepare for a big shift in my life when I don't even know what that shift will be?"

I'm not suggesting we prepare for the specifics of an undetermined situation. I am, however, saying, there are things we can do to "winterize" ourselves for whatever comes our way. Below are a few that come to mind.

Establish Practices that Help You Center

The turmoil of change can leave you feeling like everything is up in the air. Nothing seems to fit into place any more. And focus is a thing of the past. In moments like these having, a well established ritual to fall back on can be a god-send. While there are many practices that can help, breathing exercises and meditation practices are two excellent tools to help you cope. If they are already a regular part of your life, you will more naturally use them throughout the process.

Build a Network of Support

There may be times when you need a shoulder to cry on. Someone to give you a pep talk. A friend to hold your hand as you walk through a particularly dark period in your life. When you are struggling to see the sunshine in your life, it is challenging to reach out to people you don't know and build strong relationships. Building them before a life transition is in full swing helps to add stability to a time in your life that may seem anything but stable.

Develop Your Own, Individual Interests

Our hobbies and other interests can provide a momentary distractions from those things that stress us. They build positive emotions. They are also helpful in connecting us to others.  When we are in less than positive frame of mind, finding things that make us feel good, that shifts our focus from the stresses of our lives is a lot more challenging.


Its far easier to put these in place when your not in the midst of a major change in your life. I would recommend putting as many in place as a consistent part of your life, keeping in mind that depending on the situation you are currently in, not all of them may be possible.

Changing of the Colors - Turning of the Seasons

     The other day while driving home from a friend's a breathtaking tree caught my eye. Its leaves painted like a Monet. A blend of rosy pinks, rusty oranges and vibrant burgundies had been dotted over once deep green leaves in staccato brush strokes.

     As beautiful as it was, the sight of it left me feeling wistful. The summer had been an extravaganza of swimming, hanging with friends, and new beginnings. I longed to stay in that time and place. I was content in the swirl of activities. I was loving the whether. I didn't want too see the temperatures to drop. The skies to turn gray, and raindrops falling day after day from the sky. But I was powerless to stop the turning of the colors - the changing of the seasons.

     Like the changing of the seasons, our lives are continually changing. We have spaces in our lives that feel like summer vacation. They're playful and laid back; full of adventures and sunny, warm skies.

     Before we know it, the first yellow leaf comes blowing into our lap as we relax on our porch. And we find ourselves facing a choice. Do we embrace the incoming season? Or do we fight it and struggle to keep summer going?

     As hard as it may be, embracing the new seasons of our lives is the path to personal growth, setting our potential free, and finding our way back to summertime fun.

Start with Gratitude

     The summers of our lives give us so many wonderful experiences. We feel comfortable, content. Summer is casual and playful.

     As we move through the seasons of our lives, we carry forward the blissful memories of summer's warmth. Those memories are restorative. They carry us through the cold miserable days filled with dreary gray clouds and rain.

     Express gratitude for the gifts brought to us by the summers of our lives.

Look for the Benefits of Fall

     While we all love the summertime playfulness, fall has its own beauty to offer. The changing colors of leaves. The crunch of a crisp apple. Haunted houses and Halloween parties.

     Similarly a new season in our lives has benefits to offer us. Looking for the upside can help ease the transition. It gives us hope and an edge of excitement.

Check Your Toolbox

     As we move from summer to fall, we often bring out our sweaters and scarves. We check to see if last year's boots will still work for this year.

     And like we do in preparing for nature's season changes, we need to do the same for the shifting seasons of our lives. What have we done that has helped us successfully navigate other changes? How have we nourished ourselves emotionally and spiritually? What tools have we learned that will be helpful?

     The wheel of time continually turns. Summer fades into fall; fall moves into winter; winter blossoms into spring; and spring gives birth to summer. So our lives are always shifting, changing. Joys, lessons, and tools from our past blend together with new experiences and challenges to unlock new skills and potential within ourselves.

A Journey through the Mountains

Earlier this week, a friend and I took our sons to the coast for a last hurrah before summer ended and school began. We headed out from Portland with an active six year-old and a bored twelve year-old.

The ninety minute drive was a long and tedious ride for the six year-old in the back seat of my car. The road twisted and turned as it wound through the Coastal Mountain Range of the Pacific Northwest.

Before we reached the beach, we stopped to visit the Tillamook Cheese Factory. Up on the observation deck we watched cheese being sliced and packaged. Afterwards we enjoyed some of their extra creamy ice cream. Five different flavors.

As we left and were heading out to play in the sand, the youngest exclaimed with heart felt consternation, “I sure hope we don't have to go through any mountains to get to the beach!"

The sentiment of my young friend rang true for me. When I had reached the stage in my marriage where I was feeling desperate to escape from the emotional roller coaster of abuse, desperate to feel safe, I was at a point where I just didn't want to deal with it anymore. I didn't want to fight any longer. I remember wishing someone or something would come waltzing into my life and rescue me. I longed to be free!

Like my young friend, I wanted, wanted so much, to get to that final destination. However I definitely did not want to go through “anymore mountains." 

The mountains where fraught with fear and uncertainty. I'd have to admit my marriage was a failure. Acknowledge that I was a victim of domestic violence. Face being a single mother and figure out my finances so I could support my son and I.

I absolutely did not want to go through the mountains! I didn't want to, but I had to. I had to make that hard choice, travel that difficult road regardless of how I felt.

Whether figurative or literal a journey through the mountains can't be done without some planning and preparation.

Reach Out for Support
As I started to prepare to take my son and leave my husband, I started by reaching out to my friends and family. Despite the shame I felt, I spoke out and shared the truth about my marriage. I reached out to community resources that support women in crisis.

Once in my new community, I continued reaching out and building that network of support. It's a practice I continue to this day.

Grab the Map and Start Planning
Getting through the mountains doesn't happen by accident. And usually there isn't a night in shining armor that sweeps in and rescues us. More often we have to grab the map and start planning our route.

For me this meant figuring out what resources I had that would allow me to finance my move. It called for me to to pull those resources together. I had to research school logistics for my son; and what neighborhood we would call home. I mapped out a budget to manage my finances.

I can't say what planning you may need to do. You may want to consider these questions:
What resources do you have that could help you along the way?
What resources might you need?
What information might you need?
What steps need to be taken to reach your destination?

Feel Your Emotions but Don't Let Them Hold You Back
As you start your journey through the mountains, your emotions will run the gambit. It's important to acknowledge the feelings. Sit with them and feel them. Your emotions may give you clues to where you may need to adjust your plan,  just don't allow them to hold you back.

On the first day in our new home, the fear was palpable. As I moved through the process, there were moments of doubt and guilt. I felt each emotion, looked to see if I need to adjust course or if I should stay the course.

Luckily for my little friend, the final road to the beach didn't involve mountains. But should your path require the assent, embrace the journey.

If you are imminent danger, please reach out immediately to crisis resources in your community.

#Change; #Plan; #Prepare; #Endurance

Hiking into the Darkness

Photo by Asaiah Brazile

A few weeks ago, my son and I found ourselves staring down 150 stairs into the mouth of the Lava River Cave. We stood there staring into the darkness with just a single propane lantern as we prepared to hike one mile into the earth. I'll have to admit that despite the fact that the whole expedition had been my idea, I felt more than just a little trepidation.

Despite the anxious feelings and the fact that the stairs didn't look incredibly stable. We headed into the dark. I tried to reassure myself. I love to walk and have walked farther than a mile. It can't be that bad. We have a lamp with us; what could go wrong?

As my eyes tried to cut the darkness to see what lay ahead of us, it seemed like our lantern wasn't helping to illuminate even one step ahead of us. Some of the steps were well worn wooden steps. Some were metal mesh that allowed a glimps into the depths below. The handrail wobbled as I griped it, heading deeper into the caves. With each step I fought back tears of fear.

A deep sense of relief overwhelmed me as my son and I reached the cave floor. The lantern still barely lit the step in front of us, but we were off of the stairs. As we moved ahead, we were amazed at how perfectly round the cave was. It was as if a machine had hollowed out the lava tube. I was lulled into thinking the rest of the hike would be easy-peasy; thirty minutes tops and we would be back in the sunshine enjoying a picnic lunch.

Our eyes began to adjust to the darkness Our lamp seemed to putting out more light than it had been. We

Photo by Asaiah Brazile

could see the beauty around us. Moisture ran down the walls. Here and there, the water pooled into little puddles. Sand filled the cracks between the rocks on the floor of the cave.

We walked farther and farther into the cave. Sometimes our foot slipped on the uneven floor. Around bends, through narrow passages, occasionally having to walk stooped over to move ahead. Often we were all alone, no other hiking parties's lights in view. No other human voices bouncing off of the cave walls.

It was a very long one mile hike. More than once my son, his voice quivering in fear, begged to turn around and end our adventure. It took some cajoling to convince him to continue. A couple of times, I had to sing silly songs just to distract him.

When we reached the sand gardens, we thought we were almost to the end only to have to go around more turns and twists to follow.

Photo by Asaiah Brazile

As we continued the distance between the floor of the cave and the ceiling narrowed. And we found ourselves at the end. There was such elation. We had conquered our fears, our doubts and the darkness of the cave! We celebrated with a selfie.

We turned to head back. We found the trail back to the stairs was much steeper than it had seemed when we were hiking in.

There were times when I found myself out of breath. As I struggled to catch my breath, I found myself fearing I would have and asthma attack.

We had no way of knowing how much fuel our lantern still had. It had taken at least an hour to reach the end of the cave. I hoped we would make it back before we were enveloped in total darkness. If our lamp went out, how would we get back to the surface?

Our leg were tired. And our stomachs growled loudly with hunger. Finally we reached the bottom of the steps to the surface. I dreaded climbing the steps. One hundred and fifty steps to reach the sunlight. One hundred and fifty steps to left my weary steps. One hundred and fifty steps until it was all over. I could see the light.

Photo by Asaiah Brazile

Reflecting back now, I recognize five important lessons that can help when facing a transition.

1. Feel the emotions that the process brings up; just don't let it stop your forward movement. For me the emotions of fear were strongest going down the stairs.  I even considered turning back before reaching the bottom. I allowed myself to feel the fear, but kept going anyway.
2. Give your eyes time to adjust. When we entered the darkness of the cave, it took our eyes time to adjust to the deep darkness. Similarly, when we enter a new situation, it takes our hearts and mind a bit of time to catch up to our new reality. Things are no longer the way we expect them to be. We feel like we're walking in bleak utter darkness. With time, if we let it, our perspective will shift and we can begin to see the beauty - all be it different beauty - in our new surroundings.
3. Don't let other's feelings of doubt and fear hold you back. Had I followed my son's urging, we would have never reached the sign that says, "Go no further." We would have missed seeing a lot of wonderful things created by Mother Nature.
4. Trust yourself, your well of resources is much deeper than you think. There were moments during that hike when I didn't think we would make it out. Pushing forward, I learned I had more strength and courage than I realized.
5. Prepare ahead of time. I didn't have any concept how physically intense the hike would be. I headed into the cave without my asthma inhaler. The middle of a transition is not the place where you want to be trying to establish routines that nourish and sustain you. Establish and maintain rituals and create support networks before you ever need them.

Like many of the difficult changes I've gone through in my life, I wouldn't trade my hike into the darkness for anything.

#change, #transition, #choice