Actions Speak Louder than Words

The seasons of my life seem scripted around themes chosen by powers outside myself. I've had stretches focused on personal empowerment, taking a stand, and compassion to name a few. Currently the theme of my life is gratitude. Deep, soul shattering gratitude that alters my behavior.

It started with a Facebook gratitude challenge. That eventually lead to my Living to Thrive group making and starting to fill a gratitude jar. Speak Out Sunday at Ainsworth United Church of Christ sparked thankfulness for my journey and my story. Shopping for Christmas gifts turned from a tradition I felt compelled to support to a heartfelt expression of gratitude for those people I love. Wrapping each gift gave me time to reflect on how my life was better because of the person for whom I was wrapping the gift.

Finally yesterday while handing out dog supplies to homeless pet owners today with the PAW Team (Portland Animal Welfare Team) I met an incredible man who was living on the streets. He was wearing multiple layers of clothes, that as he pointed out didn't match. All topped with a fur coat of which he was quite proud. What struck me most about our encounter was how grateful he was for what he had and how he seemed to be able to maintain his joy and sense of humor.

That encounter made me look at my own life. There are so many things in my life I never thought to be grateful for. Things I've just taken for granted. I don't have to worry about waking up in the morning and being rousted out of what little shelter I've made for myself. I know my son and I will have food to eat. And I thought about how little it can take for me, with all my privilege, to give up my joy.

This holiday season, I have repeatedly experienced how gratitude is more than just saying thank you and more than warm fuzzy feelings. It starts on the inside and should be reflected in our actions year round. I figure now is as good time to start as any. I would rather start now than forget about it later in hecticness chaos of life.

So here's my action plan for weaving gratitude into every fiber of my life.

Be Intentional with My Words

I don't always think about the implications my words have when I let them slip out of my mouth unchecked. How many times, when asked how my day is going, have I responded with something like, "It could be better." or "I'll sure be glad when it's Friday." True some days are worse than others, but no matter how challenging my life is there is always someone out there who is having it worse. I want to challenge myself to answer questions about how my day is, how I am and what I post as my status on Facebook to be a testament of gratitude.

Move Beyond Words to Actions

I'm a firm believer that my actions are an enactment of the attitudes at the core of my being. Giving back to the community; offering a helping had to those less fortunate than I; or taking concrete actions to create a better world are ways I can show my overall gratitude for the countless blessings I so easily take for granted.

Inspire Others

Gratitude can be contagious. I'm inviting my friends and family to join me in turning their focus from what they don't have to what they do have and expressing gratitude. I'm asking them to join me as I start walking my talk.

I'd love to hear how you show your gratitude.

Giving Tuesday!

Early this morning my dog, Lila, and I headed out for our usual walk. For her it was an exciting adventure. For me it was an exercise in how many layers could I possibly put on before heading out. And while I have a warm house to go home to after our walk in the 24 degree weather, there are too many people and their beloved pets who don't. Sadder still is the fact that the most recent homeless survey shows 10% of the homeless in my community have children under 18. These thoughts were in my head as I logged into my Facebook account and was reminded that, at least here in the United States, it is Giving Tuesday. I chose to express my gratitude by donating where my son and I regularly volunteer, the Portland Animal Welfare Team (PAW Team).  At PAW Team, 60% of their clients are families. Pets are so vital to those who have lost everything else. They rely on donations such as mine and yours to keep families together during the most difficult times of their lives.  Your donation of $35 provides one homeless family's cherished pet with up to $300 in goods and services, including vaccines, veterinarian exam, and pet supplies. Join the PAW Team and donate here!

If you are under 36, a donation of $50 or more saves your seat on the Pabst PAW Team Party Bus!  Be sure to check the under 36 box at the bottom of the check out page.

Counting Your Blessings

     Around the world and throughout most cultures, giving thanks for our blessings, for the abundance of the harvest is an important tradition. From the American Thanksgiving, to the Homowo Festival in Ghana; these rituals call us to be grateful for the bounty of the harvest.

     To me, the prevalence of these rituals suggests a deep intrinsic understanding that gratitude is an essential component of human life. Our ancestors may have believed that its importance was tied to honoring and pleasing the gods. In our contemporary world, psychologist have linked gratitude to our emotional, mental, and physical well-being. The counseling center at the University of Massachusetts - Dartmouth  lists a multitude of benefits people gain through expressing gratitude on a regular basis.

     In the midst of an overwhelming change, the platitudes you often hear encourage you to, "count your blessing." It can be difficult to listen to such words of encouragement. It is even more difficult to apply it to your life - even if it is one of the most important things you can do at that time.

     When my son and I left behind the abuse of our old home, I found myself in a difficult period of change. I was suddenly a single mother. I was responsible for all of my own expenses as well being pressured by my former husband to pay several of his. Money was tight. We had a limited circle of support. And while having the weight of constantly walking on egg shells taken off of my shoulders was a wondrous relief and very welcome, the stress of all the new responsibilities; the sense of isolation made it so difficult to see much of anything to be grateful for.

     I repeated my story over and over - to myself; to the few friends I was just starting to make - focusing on the hurt, the wounds, the fresh scars. I felt myself spiraling into an abyss of anger and bitterness. The days were dark and the nights long.

     I finally came to a point where I had to change my approach or risk loosing hope; risk losing the

I think it's time I add another page to continue my wall!

potential this new situation represented.

     On the door of my closet, I taped up a large sheet of white flip-chart paper. I titled it "My Gratitude Wall."  On it I started writing all of the things for which I was grateful. At first I added the obvious. I was thankful for my son. My achievements. My friends.

     Gradually, the items shifted to less obvious things. I was grateful for the beauty I was beginning to see in myself. I was thankful for my strengths - things I had downplayed for most of my life. I began to show appreciation for the dreams I was starting to bring into reality.

     As a child, we often sung a hymn about gratitude in Sunday morning church services.

"When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed, When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost, Count your many blessings name them one by one, And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done."

     I found gratitude was my ticket to a brighter future. Gratitude hasn't changed the past. It doesn't mean my pain wasn't real. It let me see there was more to the place I was in than I could initially see. It has taken time, but it has led me to a place where I could thrive!

Changing of the Colors - Turning of the Seasons

     The other day while driving home from a friend's a breathtaking tree caught my eye. Its leaves painted like a Monet. A blend of rosy pinks, rusty oranges and vibrant burgundies had been dotted over once deep green leaves in staccato brush strokes.

     As beautiful as it was, the sight of it left me feeling wistful. The summer had been an extravaganza of swimming, hanging with friends, and new beginnings. I longed to stay in that time and place. I was content in the swirl of activities. I was loving the whether. I didn't want too see the temperatures to drop. The skies to turn gray, and raindrops falling day after day from the sky. But I was powerless to stop the turning of the colors - the changing of the seasons.

     Like the changing of the seasons, our lives are continually changing. We have spaces in our lives that feel like summer vacation. They're playful and laid back; full of adventures and sunny, warm skies.

     Before we know it, the first yellow leaf comes blowing into our lap as we relax on our porch. And we find ourselves facing a choice. Do we embrace the incoming season? Or do we fight it and struggle to keep summer going?

     As hard as it may be, embracing the new seasons of our lives is the path to personal growth, setting our potential free, and finding our way back to summertime fun.

Start with Gratitude

     The summers of our lives give us so many wonderful experiences. We feel comfortable, content. Summer is casual and playful.

     As we move through the seasons of our lives, we carry forward the blissful memories of summer's warmth. Those memories are restorative. They carry us through the cold miserable days filled with dreary gray clouds and rain.

     Express gratitude for the gifts brought to us by the summers of our lives.

Look for the Benefits of Fall

     While we all love the summertime playfulness, fall has its own beauty to offer. The changing colors of leaves. The crunch of a crisp apple. Haunted houses and Halloween parties.

     Similarly a new season in our lives has benefits to offer us. Looking for the upside can help ease the transition. It gives us hope and an edge of excitement.

Check Your Toolbox

     As we move from summer to fall, we often bring out our sweaters and scarves. We check to see if last year's boots will still work for this year.

     And like we do in preparing for nature's season changes, we need to do the same for the shifting seasons of our lives. What have we done that has helped us successfully navigate other changes? How have we nourished ourselves emotionally and spiritually? What tools have we learned that will be helpful?

     The wheel of time continually turns. Summer fades into fall; fall moves into winter; winter blossoms into spring; and spring gives birth to summer. So our lives are always shifting, changing. Joys, lessons, and tools from our past blend together with new experiences and challenges to unlock new skills and potential within ourselves.

Seamus - Professor of Patience

I woke to the soft, plaintiff meow of Seamus, my gorgeous, long-haired tabby. It was Saturday morning and I desperately longed to sleep in. Yet there I was groggily rolling over to allow him to crawl up on my tummy to for some quality petting time well before any alarm clock I might of set was due to go off.

As I lay there scratching him between his ears, listening to the loud rumble of his contented purr, I smiled to myself remembering how a few years back this would have never happened.

Our other cat, Rudy, had been very insistent that he needed a companion in the middle of the night. So off to the Humane Society my son and I had headed. Seamus had caught our eye immediately. And in the getting-to-know-you room he was Mister Lovey-Dovey, sweeping us both off of our feet.

We brought him home expecting an easy transition. I pictured myself sitting on the sofa with him curled up in my lap. After all cats love me. I'm not sure what Seamus's previous life was like, but easy is not how the transition went.

He spent most of the first six months camped out on top of the kitchen cabinets. He only came down at night when we were in bed. When he finally quit hanging out there, he moved into my son's closet, hiding in its dark depths. I wondered if this was going to work, if we were the right home for him, if he was ever going to adapt.

I remember my surprise the first time he reached out with his paw to catch my hand and pull it towards his head. He was sitting alertly on our coffee table and I walked by on the way to the kitchen to get my morning tea. I stopped and scratched his head. And believe it or not, my more-than-timid cat began to purr.

Working to help Seamus feel safe and loved in our home has been a lesson in patience. Author David G. Allen defined patience this way, "Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in mind." I find it requires acceptance and gratitude.

It requires me to release my own expectations of how things should be and when they should be that way. It calls me to allow what I cannot rush, what I cannot control to unfold in its own time and in its own way. Had I not allowed Seamus to adapt on his own time and in his own way, I would never have known the treasured moments we share. In fact he may have become so stressed we may have needed to find him a new home.

Patience flows easiest when we learn to be grateful for the process. With Seamus, I celebrated each milestone. Each step he took towards socialization and integration within our home. His first time headbutting me. The first time he and Rudy groomed each other. The first night he lay on the pillow next to mine.

Change is difficult, but patience allows us to find peace in the turmoil.

#change, #patience, #expectations