Releasing Expectations

I don't know about you, but I have a lot of  dreams. Dreams for what type of house in which I will live. A tall skinny house with abstract architecture. Its roof has a one sided slant and its exterior is painted in two tones of grey with black trim. And a red door next to a stone wall. I have hopes for my business and how much money I want it to generate. Treasured thoughts of my son's bright future. I will do everything in my power to make them come true.

And with those dreams comes a host of expectations. Expectations for how hard I will work; how driven I will be; how outgoing. An assumption of what kind of mother I need to be - what kind of performance my son needs to achieve both academically and socially.  

Expectations can be powerful tools to help us create the lives we desire, to making our dreams come true. Without them our efforts would be unfocused. However some expectations will hinder us if we hold on to them.

Helpful or Hindering - What's the Difference?

Sorting through which of our expectations will help us and which ones we need to release. Ask yourself, what's the objective of each of your expectations. Sometimes expectations focus on how we achieve our goals. Others focus on how we assume we or others in our lives will behave and perform. And still others are about what we will achieve?

With an understanding of the purpose of our expectations, we need to look at how much we drive the success of having our expectations met. Examine each expectation. Which of them are within your control? Which can you make happen? Looking at my list, I can control what kind of house I choose to buy. I can hold out until I can afford it. I can wait until its available or have an architect design it for me. I can manage the kind of mother I am. I determine how hard I work, how long and how often.

If you're like me, you'll still have expectations on your list that you can't control. So we'll look for which of the leftovers we can influence. We may not be able to control the final outcome. but our actions can potentially influence the results we end up with. In my list, I may not be able to control how my son turn's out or what grades he earns. But I can influence his life through the environment I create. When it comes to my business, how hard I work, how driven I am, and the quality of work I produce won't guarantee my financial success, but they can swing the vote, so to speak, in my favor.

The final remaining expectations will be ones we can't control and have no ability to influence. For

instance, I can't control or really influence what my son chooses to do with his life. Providing a wide range of life experiences won't allow me to impact his choice, it only provides him with a lot more choice.

In transforming our dreams into reality, we need to spend the largest percentage of our time focusing on those things we can control. Those will give us the biggest bang for our buck. The remaining percentage of our time should be directed towards those expectations we can control. Those that we can't control or influence, we need to free ourselves from and release.

We need to take the advice of a quote I found on Facebook tonight, "I release all that blocks me from believing in my greatness." Those expectations we can't control or influence do just that when we fail to release them.

Seamus - Professor of Patience

I woke to the soft, plaintiff meow of Seamus, my gorgeous, long-haired tabby. It was Saturday morning and I desperately longed to sleep in. Yet there I was groggily rolling over to allow him to crawl up on my tummy to for some quality petting time well before any alarm clock I might of set was due to go off.

As I lay there scratching him between his ears, listening to the loud rumble of his contented purr, I smiled to myself remembering how a few years back this would have never happened.

Our other cat, Rudy, had been very insistent that he needed a companion in the middle of the night. So off to the Humane Society my son and I had headed. Seamus had caught our eye immediately. And in the getting-to-know-you room he was Mister Lovey-Dovey, sweeping us both off of our feet.

We brought him home expecting an easy transition. I pictured myself sitting on the sofa with him curled up in my lap. After all cats love me. I'm not sure what Seamus's previous life was like, but easy is not how the transition went.

He spent most of the first six months camped out on top of the kitchen cabinets. He only came down at night when we were in bed. When he finally quit hanging out there, he moved into my son's closet, hiding in its dark depths. I wondered if this was going to work, if we were the right home for him, if he was ever going to adapt.

I remember my surprise the first time he reached out with his paw to catch my hand and pull it towards his head. He was sitting alertly on our coffee table and I walked by on the way to the kitchen to get my morning tea. I stopped and scratched his head. And believe it or not, my more-than-timid cat began to purr.

Working to help Seamus feel safe and loved in our home has been a lesson in patience. Author David G. Allen defined patience this way, "Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in mind." I find it requires acceptance and gratitude.

It requires me to release my own expectations of how things should be and when they should be that way. It calls me to allow what I cannot rush, what I cannot control to unfold in its own time and in its own way. Had I not allowed Seamus to adapt on his own time and in his own way, I would never have known the treasured moments we share. In fact he may have become so stressed we may have needed to find him a new home.

Patience flows easiest when we learn to be grateful for the process. With Seamus, I celebrated each milestone. Each step he took towards socialization and integration within our home. His first time headbutting me. The first time he and Rudy groomed each other. The first night he lay on the pillow next to mine.

Change is difficult, but patience allows us to find peace in the turmoil.

#change, #patience, #expectations