Ask! You Might Get A Yes!

Recently at a church social, I was conversing with a woman about Speak Out Sunday. In the course of the discussion, we began discussion about my business and how I want to use my skills to help others who are rebuilding their lives after leaving domestic violence. I shared how I was looking to partner with other professionals such as therapists to share referrals. Come to find out, she was a therapist. She actually works with many women who could use my services at some point in their process and was very open to referring them to me. 

As I excitedly relayed the incident to a friend, it dawned on me, when I actually ask, I often receive what I have requested. That realization made me ponder what is different.

Emotional Drive

While there are many things I have wanted that don't materialize. And while I really wanted them, my emotional drive didn't outweigh my fear, the uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach that holds me back. When I have a strong emotional drive, I can move past the fear and several other things start to happen.

Vision

Those times when I have seen things happen like magic, I find I can usually see the results. Even if what I am looking for is more abstract, there is an image that symbolizes the results. For example, when I was wanted an option that allowed me to work full time on my business while providing me with a measure of financial security. Not exactly a desire that is easy to visualize. Yet the image on the card of the Faery Stallion represented triumphantly charging ahead to victory without anyone or anything standing in my way. I could picture that card with my eyes closed. Every time I told myself what I wanted, the image of the card popped into my head.

Clarity

Receiving my desires, requires me to be clear about what I actually want to ask for. When talking to the therapist in my church, I new exactly what I wanted. I wanted to create a referral partnership.

Make the Ask

All the other steps above will do me no good if I don't actually make the ask. I can't hope that others will read my mind or even guess what I want. I actually have to open my mouth and ask.

I know it sounds so simple and magical. But I've been astounded many times at the results I get when I know what I want and ask for it.

Rough Sketching Your Plan

Tough Girl by bloody-goodness.deviantart.com

     Breaking down our past triumphs like I shared in Building Triumph from Triumph provides us with great information about what helps us to succeed. It provides a foundation for rough sketching our new plan for success.

     Analyzing more than one of our past triumphs fills out the picture of us in success mode. We see what tends to motivate us as well as how we stay motivated. We find out how we get in our own way; what our strengths are; and what we need to support our success.

    Pulling the information all together, we end up with our starting plan. It could look something like this.

What Motivates Me to To Take Action?

One of the first questions we answer when using the Building Triumphs from Triumphs tool is what motivated us to take action. Look at all the success stories you broke down and identify trends amongst all the different scenarios.

For me, I found I am very motivated by the self-preservation need. My secondary motivation tends to be making things better for my son and me.

How Do I Keep Myself Going?

Working through change and goal achievement doesn't happen overnight. Knowing early on in the process what helps sustain us through the process allows us to factor it into our plan. What were the most common things you've done to support your motivation?

For example, I find it helpful to celebrate the small victories. It isn't just walking across the stage in my cap and gown or finally hearing that my divorce is final that I see as a win. There are smaller triumphs down the path. It's the A earned on a big project. It's creating a budget that meets my needs and puts me in control of my finances.

Another tool I have used are mantras and affirmations. When I was working on my master's degree, I bought a t-shirt with a US Navy Seals's mantra on it. When ever I felt like giving up I would wear that shirt to class to remind myself that, "Failure is not an option!"

What Are My Strengths?

Success is much easier to achieve if we understand what our strengths are;  how we tap into them; and then play off of them. So what are yours, and how can they help you in the situation you're currently facing?

Looking at my own past successes, I my strengths are my determination, focus and drive. However I realize they don't do me much good in a vacuum. I need a plan. Most of the situations I've faced come ready made with a plan or the plan is common sense obvious. Starting a business is neither of those. I will need to author my own plan to succeed.

What Do I Need to Watch Out for So I Don't Get in My Own Way?

Looking at what could have gone better in past situation clues us into how we get in our own way. Using our tool, we can find that information under the "What Could Have Gone Better?" section.

For me there is a shadowside to my focus. I can become so focused that I put blinders on. I don't see potential pitfalls. For example, when I planned what weekend my son and I would move, I was determined to make it happen quickly, I didn't look at a calendar to see what was happening that weekend. The whole move could have been a lot less stressful for my son and me had I done this.

What's My Plan?

Finally what steps do you know you need to take? What resources do you have to help with each step? What resources do you need? How can your strengths help you? Where are the caution points - places you might get in your own way?

I tend to organize information like this in a grid format such as what you see here.

Step	Resources I Have	Resources I Need	Strengths I Can Use	Caution Points

If you are in the process of building a plan, I'd love to hear how it is going for you.

Create Your Dreams

     Watching television over the weekend, I was surprised when an ad for American Family Insurance caught my attention. A professional football player was on the screen talking about protecting your dreams and how the company could help you do just that. His final line caused me to pause and think.

"See, dreams don't come true. Dreams, dreams are made true."

     The obviousness of the words struck me. If our dreams are to come true, it is up to us to make sure it happens.

1. Define the dream. We can't make our dreams come true unless we know what we want. Sometimes our dreams are things we want to have in life - a house, a car, a family. Other times they are made up of who we want to be - a nurse, a teacher, a father. And others still encompass how we want to feel - loved, appreciated, content. What does the dream look like? How does it make you feel? Does achieving your dream change how people interact with you? If so, what is that change? What will you do when your dream comes true? Ask those questions about each area in your life: home, career, finances, health and fitness etc.
2. Visualize the dream. Visualization is an important tool in making dreams a reality. As you

   

   One of My Dream Boards

   define the dream, a picture of it will emerge. You will want to capture that image in a away that you can see every day. One way is to create a dream board. There are several varieties. You can make a collage of images that represent what you want your life to look like in each area. You can also include affirmations and quotes. If you're not sure what you in your life, you may know how you want to feel. Your board can reflect a description of times when you have experienced those feelings.
3. Create a plan and prepare for the action. Identify action steps you can take. Break them into smaller more manageable steps. Determine the best order to complete each action item. Reach out to resources that can help you as you take each step. Put your plan in writing so that you can refer back to it. Build a network of support to encourage you, brainstorm with you and hold you accountable. Group or individual coaching can provide you with some of the support you will be looking for. Once you have your plan, visualize yourself taking each action. As strange as this may sound, it is a technique used by the Olympic athletes. Researchers have found that visualizing yourself taking the action activates the same parts of the brain as actually taking the action. Close your eyes and walk yourself through each aspect of every step. Include as many senses as you possibly can.
4. Work the plan. Making your dream come true takes more than a dream board and visualizations. Just creating a plan won't make it happen. You will actually have to take each step in your plan. Utilize your resources. Check in with your support team. These tools will help you increase your skill level and help you keep on track.
5. Course adjust as needed. Sometimes things in your world will change that will alter your plan. Sometimes things don't come off the way you planned. In those instances, don't give up and throw in the towel. Figure out if you know what you need to do to adjust your course. If you're not sure check in with your support group, coach or other resources you are utilizing to work your plan. Once you correct the course, start working your plan again.

     You have the power to make your dreams come true. It will take a lot of hard work, but when you see the results of your efforts it will have been worth the work.