Rough Sketching Your Plan

Tough Girl by bloody-goodness.deviantart.com

     Breaking down our past triumphs like I shared in Building Triumph from Triumph provides us with great information about what helps us to succeed. It provides a foundation for rough sketching our new plan for success.

     Analyzing more than one of our past triumphs fills out the picture of us in success mode. We see what tends to motivate us as well as how we stay motivated. We find out how we get in our own way; what our strengths are; and what we need to support our success.

    Pulling the information all together, we end up with our starting plan. It could look something like this.

What Motivates Me to To Take Action?

One of the first questions we answer when using the Building Triumphs from Triumphs tool is what motivated us to take action. Look at all the success stories you broke down and identify trends amongst all the different scenarios.

For me, I found I am very motivated by the self-preservation need. My secondary motivation tends to be making things better for my son and me.

How Do I Keep Myself Going?

Working through change and goal achievement doesn't happen overnight. Knowing early on in the process what helps sustain us through the process allows us to factor it into our plan. What were the most common things you've done to support your motivation?

For example, I find it helpful to celebrate the small victories. It isn't just walking across the stage in my cap and gown or finally hearing that my divorce is final that I see as a win. There are smaller triumphs down the path. It's the A earned on a big project. It's creating a budget that meets my needs and puts me in control of my finances.

Another tool I have used are mantras and affirmations. When I was working on my master's degree, I bought a t-shirt with a US Navy Seals's mantra on it. When ever I felt like giving up I would wear that shirt to class to remind myself that, "Failure is not an option!"

What Are My Strengths?

Success is much easier to achieve if we understand what our strengths are;  how we tap into them; and then play off of them. So what are yours, and how can they help you in the situation you're currently facing?

Looking at my own past successes, I my strengths are my determination, focus and drive. However I realize they don't do me much good in a vacuum. I need a plan. Most of the situations I've faced come ready made with a plan or the plan is common sense obvious. Starting a business is neither of those. I will need to author my own plan to succeed.

What Do I Need to Watch Out for So I Don't Get in My Own Way?

Looking at what could have gone better in past situation clues us into how we get in our own way. Using our tool, we can find that information under the "What Could Have Gone Better?" section.

For me there is a shadowside to my focus. I can become so focused that I put blinders on. I don't see potential pitfalls. For example, when I planned what weekend my son and I would move, I was determined to make it happen quickly, I didn't look at a calendar to see what was happening that weekend. The whole move could have been a lot less stressful for my son and me had I done this.

What's My Plan?

Finally what steps do you know you need to take? What resources do you have to help with each step? What resources do you need? How can your strengths help you? Where are the caution points - places you might get in your own way?

I tend to organize information like this in a grid format such as what you see here.

Step	Resources I Have	Resources I Need	Strengths I Can Use	Caution Points

If you are in the process of building a plan, I'd love to hear how it is going for you.

Building Triumph Out of Triumph

     Last week in my post, Watch Your Attitude!, I shared how my son, when faced with something new that was challenging would forget past triumphs as he struggled with the new learning experience. So often, our response to a new challenge, a change we have to work through is similar to his. All we can see is a change we don't like. The difficulties and unknown dominate our vision. We feel defeated and hopeless.

     The truth is we have a wealth of experience to draw from when we step into the unknown. If we pause and take the time to look over the course of our life, we find our past has given us the gift of deep wisdom. No, the challenges of the past aren't exactly like what we are going through at the moment. But if we look objectively, we most likely will find pieces of strength and knowledge that can help guide us through our current situation.

     With all this in our back pocket, why would we want to reinvent the wheel? So how do we tap into the wealth of our past?

Name Your Triumph

    Before you can glean the wisdom of your past, you have to acknowledge where you have succeed. What is the back story of your triumph?

     For me, as I embark on this new phase of my life, I can look back to my own personal triumph of earning by bachelors degree while working full time and parenting a very active preschooler. At this point in my life, I was still married to my son's father. And while that might make it seem like it would simplify things, his rotating work schedule made childcare and support during the times I needed to do homework very challenging.

Identify Your Motivation

     List the details that motivated you to take action in the past. What got you moving? What kept you moving? What is similar between now and then? Are there other motivational emotions that can help you take action?

     Prior to enrolling, my son's father had spent the previous several years with a chronic illness. We didn't know if he would ever get better of if the mystery would end up costing him his life. Many of the potential causes were fatal.

     I remember sitting in my office one afternoon, contemplating what kind of a future my son and I would have should something happen to his father. I realized that while I had a good job at the time, the likelihood of getting hired into a comparable position outside of my of current employer weren't good with the education I had at the time. My desire to be able to take care of myself and my son with or without his father's income was my driving force.

Prepare for Action

     Breakdown what you did to prepare for action. What questions did you need to answer? What resources did you know you needed? What support components did you need?

     When I looked at my situation and realized needed to complete my bachelors degree, I started by making a list of questions I need to answer. Was there a college that would accept all of my credits from my associates degree? What major would support my career best? How long would it take to graduate? Was there a way to go to school and still work during the day? Could I get financial aid? On times when I was in class and my son was in school, who would watch my son? As I answered those questions, a plan started to evolve.

     As I started out on my current adventure, the some of the motivations are similar. I want a better life for my son and I. I want the flexibility to be there for him. I also am driven by my own personal need to pursue something that resonates with what I feel is my own personal calling.

List Your Resources

     Any change, any goal you set out to achieve will require resources. What resources did your past triumph require? What resources did you already have? Do you still have those resources? Can they help you in your current situation? What other resources do you still need?

     When I went back to school, I needed someone who could help me by watching my son while I was in class. His god-mother was more than willing to pitch in. I needed financial aid to be able to pay for school. The financial aid office helped me fill out all of the necessary paperwork.

     Now, the resources I need are different. I need guidance on how to market my business. I need to find places to hold workshops. I have friends who have good connections and are willing to share them with me to support my businesses growth.

Outline Your Action Steps

     What steps did you take to accomplish your goal or work through your challenge? What order did you take them in? What went well? What helped it to go well?  What could have gone better? What would have helped it go better?

     I started with finding a school that matched my needs. Next I figured out how many nights I would be in school. I ask my son's god-mother if she would be able to watch my son when I was in class and his dad was at work. Once she had agreed, I applied to school and filled out the financial aid paperwork. I developed a childcare schedule. I even took the time to explain what was going on to my son. When classes started, I took each class week by week; assignment by assignment. I collaborated with classmates. I kept at it until the day I walked across the stage and was handed my diploma.

     Overall things went very well. I earned good grades. I graduated with honors. While I academically excelled, I could have done a better job in building relationships that would have expanded my personal and professional network. That is a lesson that I can apply to my current situation.

Support Continuous Motivation

     Working through change and achieving goals is not an easy, short road to travel. It takes persistence, determination, and a lot of hard work. Your past experiences will have been no different. What did you do to stay motivated? How did you take care of yourself emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. Can you utilize those strategies this time?

     When I was going to school, one of my most useful strategies to stay motivated was to celebrating my successes. I celebrated the smallest of victories. After every report card came out, I would call my mother as I drove to pick up my son and share my success. I also worked my homework schedule so that my family and I could still have time for fun. We took vacations. We had friends over for a Super Bowl party.

     All of these things are strategies I can employ now. The biggest difference is that while earning my degree, the academic structure automatically supplied the benchmarks. As I build my business, I am the one who will have to establish the benchmarks myself.

Look for Additional Lessons

     Scan back through your triumph in your mind. What other lessons did you learn as you worked through the situation? Will any of those lessons help you now?

     Looking through my own past situation, I realize that I am very successful when I have a plan. When things are broken down into clear steps I can take. My long time success depends on my ability to do this for my self, for my business.

Find an Accountability Partner

     Accountability partners offer you an external source of motivation. There are many different individuals who can play this role for you such as teachers, parents, peers and life coaches.

     In college, my professor and teammates were my accountability partners. Going forward I will need to identify someone who can fill that role.

     We each possess a vast wealth of knowledge and wisdom. Those treasures help us succeed in all of our subsequent challenges and triumphs. I have created a tool to help you discover the wisdom of your past triumphs.

Create Your Dreams

     Watching television over the weekend, I was surprised when an ad for American Family Insurance caught my attention. A professional football player was on the screen talking about protecting your dreams and how the company could help you do just that. His final line caused me to pause and think.

"See, dreams don't come true. Dreams, dreams are made true."

     The obviousness of the words struck me. If our dreams are to come true, it is up to us to make sure it happens.

1. Define the dream. We can't make our dreams come true unless we know what we want. Sometimes our dreams are things we want to have in life - a house, a car, a family. Other times they are made up of who we want to be - a nurse, a teacher, a father. And others still encompass how we want to feel - loved, appreciated, content. What does the dream look like? How does it make you feel? Does achieving your dream change how people interact with you? If so, what is that change? What will you do when your dream comes true? Ask those questions about each area in your life: home, career, finances, health and fitness etc.
2. Visualize the dream. Visualization is an important tool in making dreams a reality. As you

   

   One of My Dream Boards

   define the dream, a picture of it will emerge. You will want to capture that image in a away that you can see every day. One way is to create a dream board. There are several varieties. You can make a collage of images that represent what you want your life to look like in each area. You can also include affirmations and quotes. If you're not sure what you in your life, you may know how you want to feel. Your board can reflect a description of times when you have experienced those feelings.
3. Create a plan and prepare for the action. Identify action steps you can take. Break them into smaller more manageable steps. Determine the best order to complete each action item. Reach out to resources that can help you as you take each step. Put your plan in writing so that you can refer back to it. Build a network of support to encourage you, brainstorm with you and hold you accountable. Group or individual coaching can provide you with some of the support you will be looking for. Once you have your plan, visualize yourself taking each action. As strange as this may sound, it is a technique used by the Olympic athletes. Researchers have found that visualizing yourself taking the action activates the same parts of the brain as actually taking the action. Close your eyes and walk yourself through each aspect of every step. Include as many senses as you possibly can.
4. Work the plan. Making your dream come true takes more than a dream board and visualizations. Just creating a plan won't make it happen. You will actually have to take each step in your plan. Utilize your resources. Check in with your support team. These tools will help you increase your skill level and help you keep on track.
5. Course adjust as needed. Sometimes things in your world will change that will alter your plan. Sometimes things don't come off the way you planned. In those instances, don't give up and throw in the towel. Figure out if you know what you need to do to adjust your course. If you're not sure check in with your support group, coach or other resources you are utilizing to work your plan. Once you correct the course, start working your plan again.

     You have the power to make your dreams come true. It will take a lot of hard work, but when you see the results of your efforts it will have been worth the work.

Creating Positive Change

There are many areas of my life where I have been incredibly successful at creating positive change. When I had reached the end of my rope with working retail, I went back to school and earned my associate degree. I have earned both my bachelors and masters degrees while working full time, raising my son and managing a household.

The one area I've struggled to make lasting positive change is in my diet. It's been a source of frustration for me. I've been on and off Weight Watchers more than once. Over tried so many things and still the charges don't last. How can I have so much success in so many areas of my life and yet seemingly fail in this one area. I know why I want to succeed. There's improved health, look better, feel better, more confidence just to name a few. And they're all things I want. Yet I still continue to yo-yo. Grrr! So completely annoying!

This summer I've started to really look at the differences between the times when I've successfully created change and when I've failed to create sustainable change. I've found several important distinctions.

Know What You're Adding to Your Life

Looking back at my success, I realized that my focus was on what I was gaining. When I went back to school to further my education, I was excited about the knowledge I was gaining; the doors it would open for me; the increased earning potential I would enjoy.

When I've attempted to change my eating habits and lose weight, my focus was on what I was giving up. All the unhealthy foods I loved so much: doughy white bread, candy bars, rice pudding. Yummy! I haven't focused on the new delicious recipes I will try. Haven't considered the improved health or the increased level of positive emotions.

Break It into Smaller Chunks

My most successful changes have all been ones that have been broken into smaller steps. In pursuant my education, I didn't try to take all the required classes at once. I didn't try to do all the assignments in one fell swoop. I took it one step at a time and focused on each step one at a time.

Those changes that have been more difficult, where succeed was never fully attained, have not been broken into steps. Changing the way I eat has always been an attempt at a complete overhaul. Eliminate the junk. Eat healthy. Drink water. Exercise - agh!

Trying to make a big change all at once is incredibly difficult. It can leave you feeling overwhelmed and wanting to give up. Give yourself a chance at success and break it into manageable sized steps.

Repeat What's Worked in Past

Take the time to look at your past success. Look for what helped you succeed. Were there specific actions you took that helped create your success? How did you control your focus? What kind of support played a part of your success? Who was a piece of your success equation?

Answering questions like those can help piece together a picture of what helps you succeed. Identify those things that help you and use them to build more success.

When Will I Ever Be Good Enough

I remember the first time I desperately wanted to be good enough for my dad, to be the perfect daughter. I was in first grade and my family and I were traveling in our green Pinto. Sitting in the backseat, I listened intently to my parents conversation. I remember my dad telling my mom, “Children should be seen and not heard." 

In my six year-old mind, that was vital clue. The perfect daughter doesn't talk a lot. I took the words to heart. A seed was planted and taking root.

Throughout my life I've struggled with feeling inadequate. And periods of significant change have often amplified those feelings of uncertainty.

I recently left my job of thirteen and a half years to follow my dreams. And while this is a change I wanted, the deep sense of responsibility - providing my son, meeting my own standards of success, paying my bills - has been enough to put me back in my parents' green Pinto.

Working through my doubt to find the path to peace, I've learned several valuable lessons.

Identify the Measuring Stick. 

Sometimes I find I'm the one holding the ruler. I'm comparing myself, my performance to a standard of success that I've selected. Other times, like the little girl in her parents' hatchback, someone else holds the yard stick that has been selected. The problem is, when you don't hold the yard stick, you can't clearly see the benchmarks. I had no clue all the details that made up my father's image of an ideal daughter. I only had bits and pieces of the picture.

Is the Measured Stick Reasonable? 

Are the benchmarks something you can actually achieve? Are the measures objective or subjective? It is one thing to compare yourself to a measure that is reasonable and objective. It is something completely different to compare your success to something that is subjective. 

This summer my son and I have embarked on a quest to improve the quality of the food we eat. When we've attempted this in the past, we left the objective, the measure, broad and subjective. It's hard to know if you're eating good enough when the measure is so vague. What is a high quality diet for some, may not measure up for others. Additionally, there are some many aspects to a nutritionally high quality diet that trying to learn, remember and live by them all in a single swoop is daunting at best. 

So we started this journey with a single step that we thought would have the most impact for my son. We decided to eliminate artificial color from our diet. And while it may not sound like much, this turned out to be a very big change. There is artificial coloring in more foods than you might think.

Shift Your Focus to Those Things You Can Control. 

There are some parts of the equation that are outside of your control. You can't own those things. But there are many more things you do control.  Focusing on those things increases your personal power and ability to influence the world around you. 

I may not be able to control what ingredients food manufactures use in their products. I do, however, have complete control over what products I choose to purchase. I may not be able to establish how others measure my worth, but I do have the freedom to determine how I judge my character.

#Change; #Self-Esteem; #Self-Worth; #Success