Watch Your Attitude!

     "Watch your attitude!"

     I don't know how many times I have said those words to my son in my sturnest mom voice. Usually it's when he has decided he doesn't want to do a particular school project. A project that doesn't stimulate his interest. Or one that makes him use skills that aren't a part of his particular set of strengths.

     It's a conversation that starts with a belligerent, "I can't!"  And even if he doesn't actually do it, you can hear him stamp his foot in defiance. Followed by a"Macy's New Year's Parade" of excuses. "It's too hard! I don't understand! It's too boring! It's stupid!" And then culminates in crocodile tears.

     And ultimately, he's right! He can't. As long as he holds a position of limitations, he absolutely cannot do the project!

     Our attitudes aren't a simple little emotion we feel. They are a learned way of perceiving things in our lives. It impacts how we view others, situations, or things. Or in my son's case his homework. And are made up of three components.

Emotional Component

     The emotional element represents how we feel about whatever our attitude is directed at. In my son's case he is feeling frustration and fear. Frustration at trying to do something over and over that hasn't yet clicked in his brain. Fear that he may never really understand it.

Cognitive Component

     This is comprised of our beliefs and thoughts about the subject that is drawing our response. My son's view of the assignment at hand, is driven by a belief that because that this concept is taking so long to learn that he will never master it. He's mind doesn't remember all the other challenging lessons that his brain conquered.

Behavioral Component

     Our emotions, thoughts and beliefs about the situation ultimately drive our behaviors. For my son, you hear it in his tone of voice. See it in the hand on the hips; the scrunching of the face; and ultimately the tears flowing down his face.

     Changing our attitude is more than changing how we feel about the situation. If we are to change our attitude, we have to take the time to understand what makes up the surge of emotions that are flooding us. We have to stop and identify what beliefs are driving our perspective. Are they true? Are they beliefs we created or did we learn them from others? Do they help us or are they holding us back? And if they aren't true, we have to determine what is the truth.

     With my son, we talk about feelings and about his view of reality. We look at all the challenges he's conquered. We discuss how he isn't the only one to have to tackle something he doesn't want to do. We examine the benefits of doing the assignment. In the end, we finish the assignment, and if I am lucky he learns more than just the academic lesson. He learns that he can!