Actions Speak Louder than Words

The seasons of my life seem scripted around themes chosen by powers outside myself. I've had stretches focused on personal empowerment, taking a stand, and compassion to name a few. Currently the theme of my life is gratitude. Deep, soul shattering gratitude that alters my behavior.

It started with a Facebook gratitude challenge. That eventually lead to my Living to Thrive group making and starting to fill a gratitude jar. Speak Out Sunday at Ainsworth United Church of Christ sparked thankfulness for my journey and my story. Shopping for Christmas gifts turned from a tradition I felt compelled to support to a heartfelt expression of gratitude for those people I love. Wrapping each gift gave me time to reflect on how my life was better because of the person for whom I was wrapping the gift.

Finally yesterday while handing out dog supplies to homeless pet owners today with the PAW Team (Portland Animal Welfare Team) I met an incredible man who was living on the streets. He was wearing multiple layers of clothes, that as he pointed out didn't match. All topped with a fur coat of which he was quite proud. What struck me most about our encounter was how grateful he was for what he had and how he seemed to be able to maintain his joy and sense of humor.

That encounter made me look at my own life. There are so many things in my life I never thought to be grateful for. Things I've just taken for granted. I don't have to worry about waking up in the morning and being rousted out of what little shelter I've made for myself. I know my son and I will have food to eat. And I thought about how little it can take for me, with all my privilege, to give up my joy.

This holiday season, I have repeatedly experienced how gratitude is more than just saying thank you and more than warm fuzzy feelings. It starts on the inside and should be reflected in our actions year round. I figure now is as good time to start as any. I would rather start now than forget about it later in hecticness chaos of life.

So here's my action plan for weaving gratitude into every fiber of my life.

Be Intentional with My Words

I don't always think about the implications my words have when I let them slip out of my mouth unchecked. How many times, when asked how my day is going, have I responded with something like, "It could be better." or "I'll sure be glad when it's Friday." True some days are worse than others, but no matter how challenging my life is there is always someone out there who is having it worse. I want to challenge myself to answer questions about how my day is, how I am and what I post as my status on Facebook to be a testament of gratitude.

Move Beyond Words to Actions

I'm a firm believer that my actions are an enactment of the attitudes at the core of my being. Giving back to the community; offering a helping had to those less fortunate than I; or taking concrete actions to create a better world are ways I can show my overall gratitude for the countless blessings I so easily take for granted.

Inspire Others

Gratitude can be contagious. I'm inviting my friends and family to join me in turning their focus from what they don't have to what they do have and expressing gratitude. I'm asking them to join me as I start walking my talk.

I'd love to hear how you show your gratitude.

Coming to Your Own Rescue

When I was a little girl, I ready stories like Rapunzel and Sleeping Beauty, damsels in distress who were rescued when a knight in shining armor came rushing in to rescue them. As I entered my adult life, I found the concepts of those stories influencing my decisions. They set the tone for how I handled situations that caused me suffering.

I stayed in an emotionally abusive relationship for twenty years waiting for a force outside myself to change my reality. I watched it deteriorate from just emotional abuse to including physical abuse while I pined away for my knight to come riding in on a white stallion to rescue me.

At some point in that relationship, something shifted for me and I moved from victim waiting for rescue to an empowered woman who claimed her own victory.

A few weeks ago a friend and I, who have both experienced those shifts, were exploring those transitions. Both of us have seen ourselves make the shift, but as we were discussing it, we weren't sure what triggered that transition.

In the days since she and I talked, I have spent a good deal of time thinking about my own experience, trying to understand the process. And while I know the list isn't exhaustive, I thought I'd share it with you and hope you might share what you've found helpful in your own journeys to a state of triumph.

Stand in My Truth

Before I could even contemplate coming to my own rescue, I first had to be honest with myself about how I felt and what I wanted. I had to own it.

I remember a few years before I left my abusive relationship, how the thought, "I want a divorce," would pop into my head. And I would quickly squelch it. It wasn't until I owned those feelings, that I could start to shift into seeking a better life.

Willing to Risk

I have a large mural hanging in my living room. It shows a rickety bridge – aged wooden slats held together by worn rope; a rope railing along each of the sides with holes big enough that if the bridge tipped, you could fall through. The fog is so thick you can’t even see what is below and there appears to be no end to the bridge. As you reach the middle of the bridge, however, you can start to see the outline of a mighty oak tree flourishing on the other side.

For me, this picture is representative of my journey. The dangerous, miserable situation I called home, felt comfortable. Taking action called me to move from status quo to an uncertain, unknown future. The path I would have to follow was rickety. It swayed and tipped and it wouldn't have taken much for me to lose my balance. Before I could continue, before I could start to see the possibilities that lay before me, I had to get to a place where I was willing to take the risk.

Watching the patterns of abuse increase in frequency and intensity prompted me to take my first step on to that wobbly bridge. Having my son beg me to take him anywhere so he could escape the stressful environment of our home when his father was home drove me to take several more steps. And finally, when my son told me he had confided in the school counselor, I found myself figuring out how I would get the two of us to the other side of the bridge.

See the Bigger Picture

There were many points in this process, I considered going back. This change was so big and so unnerving, it would have been convenient to give up. Connecting my actions to a the bigger picture reinforced my decision and helped keep me putting one foot in front of the other. 

I my situation, I didn't want to jeopardize my son's well being. I didn't want harm coming to him. And on top of those concerns, I started to notice significant, positive changes in him. Before we had left, he had major nightmares almost every night. It wasn't too long after we had moved out, his nightmares had all but ceased. By the end of our first year on our own, his confidence had grown and his fears had diminished. I didn't want to risk undoing these gains.

It has been almost four years since I started this journey. And while it has been challenging. I'm so glad I chose to cross that bridge in my life and move into a space where my son and I could thrive.

Giving Tuesday!

Early this morning my dog, Lila, and I headed out for our usual walk. For her it was an exciting adventure. For me it was an exercise in how many layers could I possibly put on before heading out. And while I have a warm house to go home to after our walk in the 24 degree weather, there are too many people and their beloved pets who don't. Sadder still is the fact that the most recent homeless survey shows 10% of the homeless in my community have children under 18. These thoughts were in my head as I logged into my Facebook account and was reminded that, at least here in the United States, it is Giving Tuesday. I chose to express my gratitude by donating where my son and I regularly volunteer, the Portland Animal Welfare Team (PAW Team).  At PAW Team, 60% of their clients are families. Pets are so vital to those who have lost everything else. They rely on donations such as mine and yours to keep families together during the most difficult times of their lives.  Your donation of $35 provides one homeless family's cherished pet with up to $300 in goods and services, including vaccines, veterinarian exam, and pet supplies. Join the PAW Team and donate here!

If you are under 36, a donation of $50 or more saves your seat on the Pabst PAW Team Party Bus!  Be sure to check the under 36 box at the bottom of the check out page.