Choosing the Course

So often it feels like life flies by us faster than the speed of light. One minute it's March and the birds are just starting to sing for the first time since right before the freeze of winter. And then the next thing we know, little ghouls and goblins are trick-or-treating  at your door.

In that time, we make a gazillion decisions. How many of those decisions received our full attention? How many just happened?

Each choice we make - whether we choose it intentionally or whether we simply accept whatever happens - impacts the direction of our life.

Being intentional is more the being selective about where we go, who we hang out with, or even what we choose to eat. Living a deliberate, intentional life will impact the attitudes that drive us. It influences the words with which we communicate with ourself and others.  And determines the actions we choose or don't choose to interact with our world.

Attitudes

Have you ever said, “My boss made me so mad!"? I know I have. It's so easy to hand give away our power over one of the most influential components of who we are. Khalil Gibran once said, “Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens."  Our attitude colors our perspective. It can either limit our options or expand them. When we live intentionally, we take ownership of your attitudes and our underlying emotions. We put ourself in the drivers seat. Choose your attitudes with care.

Words

Where attitudes color our paradigms, words will express and shape our convictions. In his book, The Four Agreements: A Toltec Wisdom Book, Don Miguel Ruiz shares that the words we use - in communicating with others or in our self-talk - give us power to create. Our words are seeds that we plant in our lives and we will have to harvest from those plants in the future. Be conscious and deliberate in the selection your words.

Actions

The actions we take or don’t take are often a reflection of our attitudes and words. They set us on our course and determine what direction we will take. Too often it is easiest to just go with the flow and not consider our actions and the long term results those choices will have in life. Tony Robins put it this way, “It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.”

Even during periods of change and transition, when if feels like we have the least amount of control over our lives, we still have great power if we make intentional choices.

#intentionalliving, #control, #consequences

Tested by Fire

Driving over the Cascade Mountains this summer to visit a friend in Bend, Oregon, I was struck by the scenery. The area is no stranger to wildfires. And the trees told the story of the massive transition under way.

In one area the intensity of the fire's heat had been too much. Now timber toothpicks of burnt, dead trees were scattered across the terrain. Nothing living seemed to remain.

In another area, I was in awe of the tenacity the trees displayed. It was as if they had willed themselves to survive no matter the price. The trees in this section stood tall, proud and very much alive. And while their branches bore plenteous deep green needles, these trees bore the scars of what they had endured. Deep black wounds cut through the bark. A palpable reminder of what they had endured and how they had been changed.

Major life changes have a way of ripping through the forest of our lives like a wildfire. Ripping apart the basic assumptions we hold that shape our life paradigm. I find it to be one of the most terrifying parts of the change process. Rift with uncertainty, the questioning, the doubting leave us wondering if the forest of our souls will be left filled with the dead toothpicks of our beliefs and faith. But this process doesn't have to spell the end of our faith or the destruction of our core being.

I am just emerging from one such wildfire. After having left an abusive relationship, I found myself questioning many of my basic assumptions. My life had taught me that while the divine universal force that had created me was perfect, who I had been created to be was so flawed that I was not acceptable as I was. I needed to suppress my truth and play the role of the acceptable daughter and wife.

It has been a frightening process. Not only were the basic tenets of my life burning up in this wildfire of change, but my own concept of who I was was being challenged. The parts of me whom I had spent a lifetime viewing as demons to be destroyed were staring me unabashedly in the eye. So who was I, what did I believe, and how did these two impact my spirituality.

As the fire abated, I found a new woman staring back at me in the mirror. I discovered the strength and beauty in the true me. I had discovered that my demons weren't an evil within me, waiting for a chance to destroy me. They were my truth - the original, perfect creation I was born to be. And while I may be a mother, a teacher, a lesbian, and an avid champion of the limitless potential we each possess. I learned I was lovable as I am.

The wildfires that invade our forests each summer serve to clean out the underbrush that left unattended would undermine the health of the forest. Likewise these significant transitions can serve to clean out the assumptions that clutter our lives and keep us from our truth.

In the end, we will stand tall, proud and very much alive. The bark on our trunk may be changed forever, but our truth can now shine through.

#change, #questioningassumptions, #growth

OMG! I've Grown a Tomato!

Photo courtesy appalationseeds.com

Every spring, the avid gardeners among us - a group to which I definitely don't belong - rush out to the local garden shop to load up on seeds. Dreams of a lush garden dancing in the twinkle of their eyes. They come home with their packages ready to begin the work of unleashing those seeds' potential.

Now, I don't know about you, but those dried out, little particles in the seed packets look dead to me. Even plantphys.info says that if you took them to a laboratory and ran tests to measure biological process on those seeds, you would have a hard time getting any readings that showed signs of life. So how is it that these Sleeping Beauties can produce such wonderful things like tomatoes? How is it that they hold so much untapped potential?

I have to admit anything about unleashing potential automatically peeks my interest. So I put on my researcher hat and started digging. I learned how mother nature - sometimes with the gardener's help and sometimes without - makes this magic happen.

Seeds are either in a dormant or semi-dormant state until something comes along and triggers germination. Some seeds need light to start the process. Others require moisture. While some are even more complex. If the conditions aren't right germination can't start. If the conditions change unfavorably, a plant may not achieve its full potential.

Some seeds have chemical inhibitors that block or delay germination. Until those chemicals work themselves out of the seed's system, all the perfect conditions in the world won't shift that seed from potential to fruit.

Once the conditions are right; the inhibitors gone, the transformation can begin. A process that requires some pretty significant change. First the seed has to swell with moisture. This activates the necessary enzymes and causes the skin of the seed to crack so that the first root can break through into the soil. Next a shoot grows up to the surface where it can bask in the nurturing light of the sun. The dried out seed is no more, replaced by a plant start.

Our lives are often like those dried seeds. Sometimes it's hard to imagine the potential we hold. Those

Photo courtesy hgtv.com

around us may question it. We might even doubt it. Yet it still exists.

Just like those seeds, we require the right conditions in order to flourish. Sometimes our attitudes and our paradigms inhibit our growth. We may have to let go of our preconceived ideas of how things should be and what our lives should look like so that we can grow roots and sprouts that will nourish and support us.

Yet when we open ourselves to the possess; when we surrender to change and trust - magic will happen. And you too will shout, "OMG! I've grown a tomato!"

#potential, #transformation, #change

Guilt and Blame

When things go wrong in my life, I find myself looking for someone to blame. Often this takes place under the guise of determining who should be held accountable, who should accept responsibility for the results. When I find I am to blame, I find myself in the land of guilt, wallowing in the mire of should haves and shouldn't haves. Not much else happens here. Just as I pull one foot out, I lose my balance and tumble back into the muck.

I question the value of guilt and blame and don't see the connection between those two concepts and responsibility. When I accept responsibility for my life, I'm not saying I am to blame for the situations that might at first blush be seen as setbacks or negative events. My focus shifts from whom to blame or how guilty should I feel to how do I want this event to shape my future. I make proactive choices to sculpt the destiny I want.

My life is perfect in its imperfection and every tragedy, every sorrow, every bump and bruise can become a part of the beautiful mosaic that is my life if I so choose.

#guilt, #blame, #responsibility

Hiking into the Darkness

Photo by Asaiah Brazile

A few weeks ago, my son and I found ourselves staring down 150 stairs into the mouth of the Lava River Cave. We stood there staring into the darkness with just a single propane lantern as we prepared to hike one mile into the earth. I'll have to admit that despite the fact that the whole expedition had been my idea, I felt more than just a little trepidation.

Despite the anxious feelings and the fact that the stairs didn't look incredibly stable. We headed into the dark. I tried to reassure myself. I love to walk and have walked farther than a mile. It can't be that bad. We have a lamp with us; what could go wrong?

As my eyes tried to cut the darkness to see what lay ahead of us, it seemed like our lantern wasn't helping to illuminate even one step ahead of us. Some of the steps were well worn wooden steps. Some were metal mesh that allowed a glimps into the depths below. The handrail wobbled as I griped it, heading deeper into the caves. With each step I fought back tears of fear.

A deep sense of relief overwhelmed me as my son and I reached the cave floor. The lantern still barely lit the step in front of us, but we were off of the stairs. As we moved ahead, we were amazed at how perfectly round the cave was. It was as if a machine had hollowed out the lava tube. I was lulled into thinking the rest of the hike would be easy-peasy; thirty minutes tops and we would be back in the sunshine enjoying a picnic lunch.

Our eyes began to adjust to the darkness Our lamp seemed to putting out more light than it had been. We

Photo by Asaiah Brazile

could see the beauty around us. Moisture ran down the walls. Here and there, the water pooled into little puddles. Sand filled the cracks between the rocks on the floor of the cave.

We walked farther and farther into the cave. Sometimes our foot slipped on the uneven floor. Around bends, through narrow passages, occasionally having to walk stooped over to move ahead. Often we were all alone, no other hiking parties's lights in view. No other human voices bouncing off of the cave walls.

It was a very long one mile hike. More than once my son, his voice quivering in fear, begged to turn around and end our adventure. It took some cajoling to convince him to continue. A couple of times, I had to sing silly songs just to distract him.

When we reached the sand gardens, we thought we were almost to the end only to have to go around more turns and twists to follow.

Photo by Asaiah Brazile

As we continued the distance between the floor of the cave and the ceiling narrowed. And we found ourselves at the end. There was such elation. We had conquered our fears, our doubts and the darkness of the cave! We celebrated with a selfie.

We turned to head back. We found the trail back to the stairs was much steeper than it had seemed when we were hiking in.

There were times when I found myself out of breath. As I struggled to catch my breath, I found myself fearing I would have and asthma attack.

We had no way of knowing how much fuel our lantern still had. It had taken at least an hour to reach the end of the cave. I hoped we would make it back before we were enveloped in total darkness. If our lamp went out, how would we get back to the surface?

Our leg were tired. And our stomachs growled loudly with hunger. Finally we reached the bottom of the steps to the surface. I dreaded climbing the steps. One hundred and fifty steps to reach the sunlight. One hundred and fifty steps to left my weary steps. One hundred and fifty steps until it was all over. I could see the light.

Photo by Asaiah Brazile

Reflecting back now, I recognize five important lessons that can help when facing a transition.

1. Feel the emotions that the process brings up; just don't let it stop your forward movement. For me the emotions of fear were strongest going down the stairs.  I even considered turning back before reaching the bottom. I allowed myself to feel the fear, but kept going anyway.
2. Give your eyes time to adjust. When we entered the darkness of the cave, it took our eyes time to adjust to the deep darkness. Similarly, when we enter a new situation, it takes our hearts and mind a bit of time to catch up to our new reality. Things are no longer the way we expect them to be. We feel like we're walking in bleak utter darkness. With time, if we let it, our perspective will shift and we can begin to see the beauty - all be it different beauty - in our new surroundings.
3. Don't let other's feelings of doubt and fear hold you back. Had I followed my son's urging, we would have never reached the sign that says, "Go no further." We would have missed seeing a lot of wonderful things created by Mother Nature.
4. Trust yourself, your well of resources is much deeper than you think. There were moments during that hike when I didn't think we would make it out. Pushing forward, I learned I had more strength and courage than I realized.
5. Prepare ahead of time. I didn't have any concept how physically intense the hike would be. I headed into the cave without my asthma inhaler. The middle of a transition is not the place where you want to be trying to establish routines that nourish and sustain you. Establish and maintain rituals and create support networks before you ever need them.

Like many of the difficult changes I've gone through in my life, I wouldn't trade my hike into the darkness for anything.

#change, #transition, #choice