Tested by Fire

Driving over the Cascade Mountains this summer to visit a friend in Bend, Oregon, I was struck by the scenery. The area is no stranger to wildfires. And the trees told the story of the massive transition under way.

In one area the intensity of the fire's heat had been too much. Now timber toothpicks of burnt, dead trees were scattered across the terrain. Nothing living seemed to remain.

In another area, I was in awe of the tenacity the trees displayed. It was as if they had willed themselves to survive no matter the price. The trees in this section stood tall, proud and very much alive. And while their branches bore plenteous deep green needles, these trees bore the scars of what they had endured. Deep black wounds cut through the bark. A palpable reminder of what they had endured and how they had been changed.

Major life changes have a way of ripping through the forest of our lives like a wildfire. Ripping apart the basic assumptions we hold that shape our life paradigm. I find it to be one of the most terrifying parts of the change process. Rift with uncertainty, the questioning, the doubting leave us wondering if the forest of our souls will be left filled with the dead toothpicks of our beliefs and faith. But this process doesn't have to spell the end of our faith or the destruction of our core being.

I am just emerging from one such wildfire. After having left an abusive relationship, I found myself questioning many of my basic assumptions. My life had taught me that while the divine universal force that had created me was perfect, who I had been created to be was so flawed that I was not acceptable as I was. I needed to suppress my truth and play the role of the acceptable daughter and wife.

It has been a frightening process. Not only were the basic tenets of my life burning up in this wildfire of change, but my own concept of who I was was being challenged. The parts of me whom I had spent a lifetime viewing as demons to be destroyed were staring me unabashedly in the eye. So who was I, what did I believe, and how did these two impact my spirituality.

As the fire abated, I found a new woman staring back at me in the mirror. I discovered the strength and beauty in the true me. I had discovered that my demons weren't an evil within me, waiting for a chance to destroy me. They were my truth - the original, perfect creation I was born to be. And while I may be a mother, a teacher, a lesbian, and an avid champion of the limitless potential we each possess. I learned I was lovable as I am.

The wildfires that invade our forests each summer serve to clean out the underbrush that left unattended would undermine the health of the forest. Likewise these significant transitions can serve to clean out the assumptions that clutter our lives and keep us from our truth.

In the end, we will stand tall, proud and very much alive. The bark on our trunk may be changed forever, but our truth can now shine through.

#change, #questioningassumptions, #growth