Oops, I Meant to Go Left: Four Steps for Course Correction

Earlier this week, I was driving a group of volunteers for  an outreach event on behalf of the Portland Animal Welfare Team (PAW Team). This organization provides basic veterinary care to the pets of the homeless and those living in extreme poverty so that people and their animal companions can remain together during life's most difficult situations.

We had headed into downtown Portland, Oregon loaded up with pet food, leashes, and blankets to hand out to homeless pet owners. Like many city centers, with its alternating one way streets and bus only lanes, downtown can be confusing. To make things worse, I wasn't familiar with where our first stop was located.

One of the volunteers was acting as my navigator, reading out the directions as I tried to find street signs in time to make the correct turns. Just as she told me to turn left on Irving, I realized I had driven too far to make the turn. The street I was on was nice and wide. And not wanting to try to find the next street that was headed the direction I needed to go, I looked to see how much on coming traffic was headed my way. See all was clear, I made a quick u-turn and got us back on track.

Often during periods of change, we find ourselves trying to navigate unfamiliar territory. Sometimes we miss our turn. Other times we turn right when we needed to turn left. Regardless of how we get off track, we need to make that quick "U-ie" to get ourselves headed the direction we want to go.

So, how do you course correct when your not sure where you are?

Acknowledge the Wrong Turn

The first step is to acknowledge you are off course. Pretending we never made the wrong turn won't help us get back on track. In fact, it keeps us headed in the wrong direction. Without guilt, judgement and berating yourself, recognize, "Oops, I meant to go left."

Whatever the situation, whatever the mistake, taking the time to realize when you're off track puts you back in control of where you are headed.

Examine Your Hidden Intent

Sometimes when we take a wrong turn, there is a subconscious motivation behind it. Understanding it will allow you to minimize the chance of a repeat of the same mistake.

For me, one area I often have "wrong turns" around is my attendance at networking events. In large groups of people I don't know, I often find myself feeling awkward and uncomfortable. My tongue gets tied in so many knots I struggle to connect and communicate coherently. I find ways to sabotage myself. Understanding this has helped me realize what actions I need to take to be able to be successful in this important activity.

Map out Your Course Correction

Have you ever missed a turn when you're using a GPS navigator?

That electronic voice suddenly comes on saying, "Rerouting." And then you wait for the new directions. Well, now it is your turn. You are the navigator. Map out your correction into a step-by-step plan.

When it comes to my attendance at networking events, my challenges were a symptom of the real issues. I had to start by dealing with the why behind my attendance challenges. I started by practicing my elevator speech in settings where I felt safe - with friends, in the hair stylist's chair. As I became more comfortable with that, I branched out. I also took time to work with a professional consultant to help me feel more confident in speaking from my heart.

Make the U-turn

Once you have the plan to get back on track, it's time to start taking action. Start working each step of your "rerouted" plan.

I had to do all the work I outlined in my plan. This past week, I went to a networking event. I put into practice the lessons I learned within my comfort zone. I was amazed at the results. I was back on track!

Embracing Change

I remember when my son was half-way through pre-kindergarten. With tears streaming down his face, he clung to me in fear one night at bedtime. When I asked him what was wrong, he explained he didn't want to go to kindergarten the next school year. He shared that he was afraid he wouldn't be ready. I tried to explain to him that when the time came, he would be ready. He still had a lot of time before then.


My words of comfort and reassurance were met with his explosive was met with his explosive sob, "Nooo, I won't!"

So often, we - like my young son - fight changes we cannot halt. We make our journey more stressful and less enjoyable than it need be. When I have found myself struggling to accept the shifts that are a part of life, I have found the following helpful.

Calm Your Mind

I don't know about you, but when I first encounter a major change, my mind is racing. "How am I going to get through this?" "What am I going to do?" "I like things the way the are! Why does it have to change?" Only a few of the thoughts that can be find tearing up the race course of your mind.

You will have to calm my mind - the sense of panic and impending doom. Deep breathing exercises and walks in nature are often a good place to start the process. Then start looking through your past, reviewing all the times you have successfully navigated other transitions. Much like the process I shared in Building Triumph from Triumph. 

Gradually, the fear, the panic subside and you can start working through the process.

Determine Your Ability to Control

When change comes into our lives uninvited, one of the biggest things I wrestle with is the lack of control I feel. Over time, I have learned that nothing is completely out of my control. Understanding the Spheres of Control, helps break the situation down so I can see how I can affect some control.

First, take a look at what things in the situation are under your control.

For example, when I was struggling with the fact that I was suddenly a single mother, I found there was plenty I could control. My choices dictated how my money was spent. I could control where we lived. I determined who my son and I befriended.

Next, figure out what you can influence.

I can't control when my son sees his father or how much he sees him; however, I can influence the situation. I can't dictate the terms of our divorce, but I can influence the outcome by advocating for myself and what I feel to be in my son's best interest.

Finally, look at what you can't control or influence. One of the biggest pieces of the equation I couldn't control was my ex-husband. His behaviors and attitudes were completely under his own control. These I had to let go of.

Take It A Step at A Time

Once you know what you can control or influence, start breaking it to a step-by-step course of action. Start with those things that you control and then move on to those things you can influence.

One of the biggest acts of reclaiming my control was to sit down with my son and created a spending plan. Our plan ensured our bills were payed and built in some room for play. We experienced a huge triumph when we saved up and were able to take a weekend trip to the Oregon beach.

Embrace the Change

I know this own is easier said than done, but it is possible. Every change has silver linings, start by looking for them. The ones you notice at first will most likely be small. Just make sure to acknowledge them and keep looking for the good.

When we first moved into our own apartment, I was terrified. I didn't know what would happen next. And I knew that just after leaving is when a victim of domestic violence is at the highest risk. Gradually I began to feel a sense of freedom. When ever I doubted I had made the right choice, I would get in touch with those feelings and bask in that wonderful, hard earned freedom. Now, three years out, I would have to say that becoming a single mother has been one of the best things to happen. Not just for me, but also for my son.


My son is now in the seventh grade. And over the years, these battles have become less intense and fewer in number. He is learning to to trust himself. He's built a track record of successfully navigating change. A few weeks ago, he gleefully shared with me how he's looking forward to going into high school in two years. My son has learned to embrace change.

Rough Sketching Your Plan

Tough Girl by bloody-goodness.deviantart.com

     Breaking down our past triumphs like I shared in Building Triumph from Triumph provides us with great information about what helps us to succeed. It provides a foundation for rough sketching our new plan for success.

     Analyzing more than one of our past triumphs fills out the picture of us in success mode. We see what tends to motivate us as well as how we stay motivated. We find out how we get in our own way; what our strengths are; and what we need to support our success.

    Pulling the information all together, we end up with our starting plan. It could look something like this.

What Motivates Me to To Take Action?

One of the first questions we answer when using the Building Triumphs from Triumphs tool is what motivated us to take action. Look at all the success stories you broke down and identify trends amongst all the different scenarios.

For me, I found I am very motivated by the self-preservation need. My secondary motivation tends to be making things better for my son and me.

How Do I Keep Myself Going?

Working through change and goal achievement doesn't happen overnight. Knowing early on in the process what helps sustain us through the process allows us to factor it into our plan. What were the most common things you've done to support your motivation?

For example, I find it helpful to celebrate the small victories. It isn't just walking across the stage in my cap and gown or finally hearing that my divorce is final that I see as a win. There are smaller triumphs down the path. It's the A earned on a big project. It's creating a budget that meets my needs and puts me in control of my finances.

Another tool I have used are mantras and affirmations. When I was working on my master's degree, I bought a t-shirt with a US Navy Seals's mantra on it. When ever I felt like giving up I would wear that shirt to class to remind myself that, "Failure is not an option!"

What Are My Strengths?

Success is much easier to achieve if we understand what our strengths are;  how we tap into them; and then play off of them. So what are yours, and how can they help you in the situation you're currently facing?

Looking at my own past successes, I my strengths are my determination, focus and drive. However I realize they don't do me much good in a vacuum. I need a plan. Most of the situations I've faced come ready made with a plan or the plan is common sense obvious. Starting a business is neither of those. I will need to author my own plan to succeed.

What Do I Need to Watch Out for So I Don't Get in My Own Way?

Looking at what could have gone better in past situation clues us into how we get in our own way. Using our tool, we can find that information under the "What Could Have Gone Better?" section.

For me there is a shadowside to my focus. I can become so focused that I put blinders on. I don't see potential pitfalls. For example, when I planned what weekend my son and I would move, I was determined to make it happen quickly, I didn't look at a calendar to see what was happening that weekend. The whole move could have been a lot less stressful for my son and me had I done this.

What's My Plan?

Finally what steps do you know you need to take? What resources do you have to help with each step? What resources do you need? How can your strengths help you? Where are the caution points - places you might get in your own way?

I tend to organize information like this in a grid format such as what you see here.

Step	Resources I Have	Resources I Need	Strengths I Can Use	Caution Points

If you are in the process of building a plan, I'd love to hear how it is going for you.

Create Your Dreams

     Watching television over the weekend, I was surprised when an ad for American Family Insurance caught my attention. A professional football player was on the screen talking about protecting your dreams and how the company could help you do just that. His final line caused me to pause and think.

"See, dreams don't come true. Dreams, dreams are made true."

     The obviousness of the words struck me. If our dreams are to come true, it is up to us to make sure it happens.

1. Define the dream. We can't make our dreams come true unless we know what we want. Sometimes our dreams are things we want to have in life - a house, a car, a family. Other times they are made up of who we want to be - a nurse, a teacher, a father. And others still encompass how we want to feel - loved, appreciated, content. What does the dream look like? How does it make you feel? Does achieving your dream change how people interact with you? If so, what is that change? What will you do when your dream comes true? Ask those questions about each area in your life: home, career, finances, health and fitness etc.
2. Visualize the dream. Visualization is an important tool in making dreams a reality. As you

   

   One of My Dream Boards

   define the dream, a picture of it will emerge. You will want to capture that image in a away that you can see every day. One way is to create a dream board. There are several varieties. You can make a collage of images that represent what you want your life to look like in each area. You can also include affirmations and quotes. If you're not sure what you in your life, you may know how you want to feel. Your board can reflect a description of times when you have experienced those feelings.
3. Create a plan and prepare for the action. Identify action steps you can take. Break them into smaller more manageable steps. Determine the best order to complete each action item. Reach out to resources that can help you as you take each step. Put your plan in writing so that you can refer back to it. Build a network of support to encourage you, brainstorm with you and hold you accountable. Group or individual coaching can provide you with some of the support you will be looking for. Once you have your plan, visualize yourself taking each action. As strange as this may sound, it is a technique used by the Olympic athletes. Researchers have found that visualizing yourself taking the action activates the same parts of the brain as actually taking the action. Close your eyes and walk yourself through each aspect of every step. Include as many senses as you possibly can.
4. Work the plan. Making your dream come true takes more than a dream board and visualizations. Just creating a plan won't make it happen. You will actually have to take each step in your plan. Utilize your resources. Check in with your support team. These tools will help you increase your skill level and help you keep on track.
5. Course adjust as needed. Sometimes things in your world will change that will alter your plan. Sometimes things don't come off the way you planned. In those instances, don't give up and throw in the towel. Figure out if you know what you need to do to adjust your course. If you're not sure check in with your support group, coach or other resources you are utilizing to work your plan. Once you correct the course, start working your plan again.

     You have the power to make your dreams come true. It will take a lot of hard work, but when you see the results of your efforts it will have been worth the work.

Drawing Your Own Map through Change

     Right now, I'm sitting in the middle of a huge change. This summer I left my nine-to-five to focus full time on my coaching business. And while this change is one I wanted, one I had chosen, it came with bundled with the chaos of finding myself in uncharted waters.

     I never realized how much my drive and motivation were dependent upon the structure my old job provided. Without that structure, without the security of the known, it has felt like I've lost my focus.

     Working through this transition I'm finding several things helpful.

     First, I used the known to organize what was becoming known to me. I started by organizing what I did know into manageable chunks. For me, this meant organizing the tasks I know I need to accomplish. There was my business. My family. My church. My volunteer work.

     Second, I started the process of prioritizing my action items. Some items I had a good idea of their importance. Other items I has no idea. I left them without a priority knowing that as my knowledge grew things might have to be adjusted.

     Finally, I created a space that provided me a way to escape the crazy clutter of uncertainty that sometimes filled my mind. I filled it with figurines that I find peaceful. I added in rocks that held deep personal meaning for me. I have a small obelisk, an ancient Egyptian symbol for a ray of sunshine. And in the middle, a tree. One tiny connection to the forest that take my breath away any ease my stress.

     Working through this change where nothing feels the same, I'm finding that lessons from the past are helping me unlock the future.

Creating Positive Change

There are many areas of my life where I have been incredibly successful at creating positive change. When I had reached the end of my rope with working retail, I went back to school and earned my associate degree. I have earned both my bachelors and masters degrees while working full time, raising my son and managing a household.

The one area I've struggled to make lasting positive change is in my diet. It's been a source of frustration for me. I've been on and off Weight Watchers more than once. Over tried so many things and still the charges don't last. How can I have so much success in so many areas of my life and yet seemingly fail in this one area. I know why I want to succeed. There's improved health, look better, feel better, more confidence just to name a few. And they're all things I want. Yet I still continue to yo-yo. Grrr! So completely annoying!

This summer I've started to really look at the differences between the times when I've successfully created change and when I've failed to create sustainable change. I've found several important distinctions.

Know What You're Adding to Your Life

Looking back at my success, I realized that my focus was on what I was gaining. When I went back to school to further my education, I was excited about the knowledge I was gaining; the doors it would open for me; the increased earning potential I would enjoy.

When I've attempted to change my eating habits and lose weight, my focus was on what I was giving up. All the unhealthy foods I loved so much: doughy white bread, candy bars, rice pudding. Yummy! I haven't focused on the new delicious recipes I will try. Haven't considered the improved health or the increased level of positive emotions.

Break It into Smaller Chunks

My most successful changes have all been ones that have been broken into smaller steps. In pursuant my education, I didn't try to take all the required classes at once. I didn't try to do all the assignments in one fell swoop. I took it one step at a time and focused on each step one at a time.

Those changes that have been more difficult, where succeed was never fully attained, have not been broken into steps. Changing the way I eat has always been an attempt at a complete overhaul. Eliminate the junk. Eat healthy. Drink water. Exercise - agh!

Trying to make a big change all at once is incredibly difficult. It can leave you feeling overwhelmed and wanting to give up. Give yourself a chance at success and break it into manageable sized steps.

Repeat What's Worked in Past

Take the time to look at your past success. Look for what helped you succeed. Were there specific actions you took that helped create your success? How did you control your focus? What kind of support played a part of your success? Who was a piece of your success equation?

Answering questions like those can help piece together a picture of what helps you succeed. Identify those things that help you and use them to build more success.